Keep your head down and beg.

The gains are coming. My body weight is rising and I feel stronger. 

I’m still in a really antisocial mood and people aren’t helping. I’m not about to note the whys and wherefores because I know I’m fine, I’ll forget about it. If I wrote it down, it would live on. 

My wonderful son has evolved from Warhammer to Magic The Gathering which is a card based game the likes of Pokemon. 

We visit these nerdy wonderful stores and I particularly enjoy hanging out there. 

My efforts to keep a clean slate at work is successful so far. I just endeavour to keep my head down. I just want a peaceful life. 

Something else that I’m enjoying doing but not getting views for is my YouTube channel. 

So if you are reading this and are an awesome human being who wants good karma to come their way then I beg you to go search ROBODAD1 on Youtube and watch one of my videos. 

I would be eternally grateful. 

Xxx  

With the best intentions..

I start this new week with the best of intentions. Thou shall not cock up. But that’s just not something that usually goes to plan. 

Work is where I feel I’m surrounded by colleagues looking at me while tutting and shaking their heads. The sense of being the one who needs watching because I’m bound to fuck up is something that is making my work life horrid. 

I will endeavour to CONCENTRATE. 

I have took the advice of the gym bloke, to just eat and eat so as to move the needle up the  weight chart. It’s that simple. 

Yes fat will be gained but in the spring, fat will be lost. 

So I am eating. And eating. 

I currently weigh 150 pounds and want to hit 160 for the first time ever. 

My goals are to get bigger and better.

My mind has air pockets in it though. I don’t know that I’m ever about to realise I’ve forgotten a thing.

I don’t see the mistakes until it’s too late. 

But god knows I will try. 

It will take a hood year to have people change their perception of me but I’ll take it one step at a time. 

Fucktards

Yes, Yes I’m back. For how long? I don’t know. I’m currently going through a hard time in s small way. It’s become apparent to me, that now I’m in my mid 40’s, nobody wants me. I actually notice younger and older woman don’t even register my existence and even close people don’t seem to be that supportive anymore. Washed up at 43? Hell no. But I’m battling the world in some ways. I’ve had a day where I feel I’ve been on the end of unnecessary rudeness and it really got my back up. My social media spreading of my YouTube channel gets no support and my discipline in the gym journey gets no recognition either. It’s enough to make me wonder why I get out of bed. Just feeling pretty unloved. But on the other hand, I have a strong reflex against feeling too sorry for myself. It’s called the fuck you button and I walk about with it firmly staying pressed as I walk around silently among those fucktards who look down on me. There we go. Release, to someone who always listens. My blog. I salute you.

March 2017

Brighter mornings and milder temperatures have arrived. It's mid March here and I'm trying to lean out for summer before my bulk restarts. 

My son still entertains me with his view of the world around him and we have a very close relationship. He turns 9 this year and I'm aware that his efforts to spend time with me will end. 

But while it lasts, I intend to enjoy it. 

IM trying to self improve as ever and eat and train well. My most recent surprise NEW girlfriend has proven one thing to me. I don't crave company. Sure it's nice to have another adult to talk to (etc) but it's time on my own where I really feel happiness. 

She's got an astoundingly cool temperament I have to say. I don't envy her being with me. I'm just plain antisocial . 

2017! New old cracks

Sometimes life repeats. You know you've not been here before and yet it all seems so familiar. The new bonus relationship which is three months old has reached that point where I'm accused of not giving enough time to it. This is so familiar to me. At 18 I used to fix my girlfriends to seeing me on a Wednesday and a Saturday. That was it. My other days were free to play video games and watch tv. My marriage went beyond that but pined for me to have time alone. 

So at 42, I have the issue raised at me. I am not built for the sociable moments of relationships. I like being alone. I like me when I'm alone. 

I have nothing against my new girlfriend and I will endeavour to blend my time with her but I will expect cracks to form. 

Why am I like this? I don't know. But I've seen it many times. 

 

I wish I was big

I weigh 152 lbs. 6 months ago I weighed the same. But I cut back on my weight because I saw a fat belly forming. But I'm supposed to be getting bigger as part of my training programme. This time I gonna push through until February and then concern myself with toning up. I hit the gym four times a week and love the whole process. It must take the muscle heads years to get that big and ripped. 

God, I'd like to be big just once. 

Trump time.

Donald Trump, tv show host, is now the president of the USA. Now I'm not political at all but this whole mess does intrigue me. 

This is a historic moment in err , history. 

In other news, we woke up to snow today in England. The cold was quite a nasty surprise but the ghost of Xmas has come early. It's only a week into November for heavens sake. 

I worked over last night for the first time in ages, until 8:45pm. But with podcasts in my ears, it was pleasurable. I'm a little tired today but it's fine. I missed my Tuesday gym session because of it unfortunately. I'm currently 150 lbs. my goal is 160 lbs and I'm on the fence between wanting to trim belly fat and chasing the heavier body weight. This is the struggle of the bulk. 

I'm loving the gym though and going four times a week. 

I had my son over for five days whilst his mum went away to Rome for her 40th. That was special for us both. Bonfire night, watching the fireworks, eating pie and peas and then a trip to the freezing MAGNA at Sheffield. Seeing him curled up in his onesie on my couch was amazingly cute. 

It's hibernation time now though.