Friday. Dawn of the weekend.

It's Friday once again. Today, my son is going to his friends house to play. This is the first time he's ever been to a friends and left there. He's apprehensive about not having an adult he knows nearby but of course he'll be fine once he's there. 

I have an investigation at a pub at 8 am on Sunday which is pretty early. Plus on the previous night I have a social gathering with my actual friends. That's a big deal to me as it's the first time in nearly five years that I've been in a drinking environment with people my own age. I'm excited. 

But first, I have my working day to do. 

Sitting Sunday and cinema plus the magic of mushrooms.

I've said that I've been thinking about drinking etc of late. This Saturday night I had magic mushrooms fall into my hands. I've done them before and had a strong effect from them. This was years ago you understand. 

A part of me was curious to do them again and yet a large part felt I was too old to put my body through such torment. What if I had a heart attack or they poisoned me? In the end, I stirred them in a yogurt and down the hatch they went. This time I'm made provisions for any eventuality. I felt a heart flutter and the old feeling in my nasal passage which lsd used to create as a teen. But it never really took off. I went to bed ok and on time with a sense of relief and disappointment. Today I've felt a little more alive though. As if I'm living my life rather than watch it slip away. 

I'm feeling a resurgence of who I am socially, or at least who I used to be. 

I had chosen not to go to the gym today in order to let my joints rest up. I spent half the day watching episode 1 of many to series which have all started new seasons. Add in playing on the ps4 and that makes for a lot of sitting down. But I've enjoyed myself. At tea time I dragged myself to the cinema to watch Crimson Peak too. The cinema was quiet and It felt odd to finally be out of the house. 

It's 10 pm and I'm waiting for a Youtube upload to finish so I can start another over night. 

My mind seems to be flirting either the idea of a girl more and more. Not a particular girl, but someone new. I need to feel more alive. I think. I'm not certain. 

Minecraft story mode release day

Minecraft story mode release day and I still went to the gym before racing home to start making a YouTube play through series. It was surprisingly I interactive by comparison to regular minecraft. My friend came around after his kids were in bed and we had a natter. This friend is married with three kids and is a good example of how busy I'm not. I have much more free time than he does and so it seems daft that I should moan about feeling unfulfilled currently. I'm talking about my considering getting a new partner and social life. 

I think this weekend I'll go sit in a pub near one of my old houses ... And blog. 

See what that stirs up. 

Piece missing?

I think I'm ok. It's hard to tell. The big picture is I'm fantastic. I have a home, a job and the perfect son and we have our full health. But in the microcosm of that bubble I wonder if there's a slight turmoil building. 

I've not drank alcohol for four years three months. But last week I did have six non alcoholic beers. I've also had moments of imagining being in a relationship again. But it would be such a perfect relationship that it's a thing of pure fantasy. 

My trouble has always been that when everything's ok I introduce the one thing which will spoil the quiet. I just want a quiet life. 

I have the quiet life already, so what is this niggle that suggests I'm missing a piece of the puzzle? 

Sat morn in October 2015

Saturday morning. The other side of my bed contains my little boy who is watching popularMMOS on YouTube as is his current ritual. He is on day two of his yearly cold as summer turns to Autumn. He will be contagious for another day or two. We watched PIXELS last night and so will be play acting that today. My heating is finally on today for my sons benefit. 

I'm laying low on Facebook from cat-lady. An annoying fan. 

I have an eye test next week which I think will show that my sight has got worse. People who stand too close are blurry. I really don't want glasses but it's not the end of the world of course. 

I'm 230 views on my own YouTube channel and really enjoying it. It's so hard to get traffic to it. But if you are interested, check out Robodad1. 

I'm 151 lbs from gym diet and it's going up at the advised rate. 

I know I'm stronger but my joints are holding progress back.