Purity or vanity

Does anybody know why I hate other peoples company so much?
Do I find people tiresome or is it them give me back, something I require?
All I know is I've opted out. ..out of squabbles, out of love and out of having to lie.
Leave me the fuck alone.

Forty films

It's Sunday afternoon again and the rain continues to fall. I recorded show 2 for Jam Radio but I'm booked in to record it again on Tuesday cos I wasn't happy with it.

I went to see AVENGERS ASSEMBLE and it was near perfect. Every balance was right and it's set a new benchmark for films to better.
I'm just about to watch MARLEY.

My son and I visited my Grandma and a mate of mine this weekend. We had a good time playing power rangers too. I look forward to seeing him tomorrow too.
The ghost stuff is hard work for me at the moment, I can't be arsed. All my attention is going into my show and ghost stuff just wastes my time. If I get a break from it I can then get excited once more by it.
My blog is a last thought currently but I still love doing it. There's not enough hours in the day.
I've watched forty films so far this month so maybe there actually are loads of hours, it just depends what you do with em.

How are my spirits?
Good.
I just want to stay away from all other humans except my son.

Forgotten music.

Another Monday with my son. We went to my mums for tea, as is the routine. The house was empty but that meant we could play uninterrupted. We fought with teddy bears and cushions until we ate our tea.
Another successful bonding session where we told each other that we loved one another.
There was no need to hang around to give my step son a drum lesson as he had homework to complete, so I got home and watched 'Moneyball'. After that I ended up listening to my iPod and making notes of songs for my radio show, THE WHITEHOUSE FILM SHOW.
The next thing I realise is it's midnight and I'm only halfway through the alphabet. I had to go to bed.

So I will reprise that search again tonight.
I really enjoyed hearing my music again.
I forget how much music speaks to me.
Too often I get in and stick three films on. Then bed.
I need to just play music more.

I have my second show to record on Friday. This time I am not writing a script. I want the relaxed naturalism to come through.
I hope it does!

Keep on track and stay focused

A sporadic day weather wise. Sun glasses on then off then on again all day. I went to the radii station to learn how to import my tracks for the show and edit them successfully in the system. It is exciting when it all gets pieced together but I just feel I need to write more so that I've got twenty minutes of talking at least.
I must remember pauses for the edit.
I think I will relish in the show once i get comfortable in it.
I think I'll disappear into it and away from family because I am starting to feel like they are not relating to me but it could be that I'm struggling to relate to them.

I have to keep hold of this good fortune and pursue what gives me pleasure. I will continue to wring out unpleasantries.

Head full of radio

With the introduction of my film radio show on Jam Radio, I have been beating myself up trying to write reviews and a script for the shows. Upon recording my voice I heard that I was shit. But like a dog with a bone, I refuse to let go. So endless rewrites and trying different ways to flow better followed.
It's one thing to write something, but it's another when you read it allowed like a robot.

I turned to Facebook and threw a couple of questions out which has given me material thankfully.
I have to record two shows to have in the bank so to speak before I go weekly.
This weekend I will be doing the first stock show.

My son and I have continued to have fun and my sister announced her engagement to her soldier boyfriend just before she turned 21.
Hmmmm good luck Sis, marriage can be the end of free thinking.

The ghost stuff continues but I really can't concentrate on it with my show looming.
I'm not certain I will continue after xmas.

Possibilities

Life is busy.
Life is good.
Tonight I finally get to do radio training and then I get to fret about whether I can pull it off.
I made no effort to get into radio, it just happened to come up and I ran with it.
It could well be short lived.

I am no stranger to pretending to be a DJ right up into my marriage. When we stayed in and had a drinking evening I would use my two cd players through a mixer I had bought. After that broke we just used the iPod to cue up our next choices.
I thought that I'd love to subject an audience to my choices, but it was never going to happen.

Now I daren't think about where this could lead.

Huddersfield, films, radio test nightmare

I arose from my pit and sat straight down to watch the recent remix of 'the Thing' (2011). My brother had warned me it was rubbish but I still wanted to see for myself. It was a prequel apparently but it seemed more like an MTV retread of the 1982 Kurt Russell movie which actually wanted to be like 'Alien' too.

Then I drove to Huddersfield to have a few coke colas with friends for a girl mate of the groups 30th.
I enjoyed myself enough but eventually had drank enough pop so I went home and enjoyed dinner and watched 'Knuckle', Harold And Kumar Get The Munchies' and 'The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy'.

The one other thing my day contained was my private test of my proposed radio film review show.
Basically I selected eight songs on iTunes and scooped up some of my tumblr film reviews and pretended I was doing my show. So I played a record and tried to talk between tracks.
I stumbled and muttered and 'erm'd' a lot. So then I read out word for word my written film reviews. All of it was devastatingly terrible radio. It really put me in my place. I basically decided that I either needed to write an entire script for each show or I needed another film head to bounce off.
I have to admit I am worried now. But there's still a confidence that it will be ok because a way forward will be found, after all the radio has nothing like this at the moment so I don't exactly have competition.

Fingers crossed.

Refocus

Since our lives are ever evolving and our children etc are changing at such a slow rate that we barely notice from day to day, I must re stamp where I am at on these pages, currently.
I am nine months sober and happier than ever and I don't use the word HAPPIER lightly.
My son's birth inflated me with a zest for my own life by being like a flame to the gas that was choking my brain as my marriage dissolved.
A clarity of vision made all the things in my life seem to point to one conclusion, I was better off being single and I did love myself after all. It's just other people who don't believe in me.
With a film radio show on the horizon and our ghost adventures still snowballing I already am accomplishing more than I gave myself credit for. Fatherhood is my biggest gift to my existence though and it's also the most rewarding. I become more ruthless in my refusal to do anything that I don't want to.


If anything....I feel underestimated by people who believe they know me.
Maybe 2012 will be yet another turning point full of surprises.

Tired and Busy bee

My time has not recently been categorised as Spare. That is to say that outside of working over even at weekends and seeing my son too, I have been to a twenty first party and frequented the cine,a as best I can. In just over one week I commence radio training ahead of my proposed radio film show. I'm eager to make notes and wrote reviews but it swallows up time. The weather has blown from strangely summery to having snow forecast tonight in April. It's hard to tell what you are supposed to feel and whether you should put the fire on at home.
Almost nine months of sobriety and still no desire to piss away any hours in misery, drowning my demons in alcohol. I am happy where I am and if I keep out of others way things will stay like that for me. I'm looking forward to this bank holiday weekend too for a rest and a thirtieth birthday day out with friends. I worry that a radio show will stop me from being able to run ghost stuff too though.
I'm being pulled in many different directions and that makes me want to please myself only.

Tired tired tired. Too much overtime??