Easter Sunday time Travel.

My easter morning came into view three times as sleep reclaimed me two more times than was usual. I had the usual whoosh of thoughts clamber into my brain upon awakening properly and had just sat up in bed whilst reaching for the iPad before I noticed that my alarm clock read different to the iPad. Of course, the clocks had gone forward an hour. I'd effectively time travelled. I then realised that I didn't have time to wake up in bed to an episode of 'breaking bad'. So I showered and headed on the quiet Easter roads to my local cinema. That is, it would be local if I lived half an hour from my house in Bradford.
I entered the cinema and heard that the kids movies were sold out just like they had been yesterday. My son and I had watched 'Wreck It Ralph' again.
I settled into 'Identity Thief' with just three others followed by 'The Host'. I decided that two was enough for today and drove home to watch the missed 'breaking bad' and to read, plus listen and dictate some of my most recent medium interviews. Not two minutes ago I got the option to collect my son tonight and have him over for two nights running. Awesome news.
I guess we will have a heavy night of 'Rayman' and 'Batman Arkham City' followed by the same the next morning.
It's like having a best mate come to stay. God I love that kid.

Life's reasons and our trivial path.

It's Saturday morning and I heard movement from my little boys room meaning he was on his way to climb in with me. His first conversation with me was about Easter and its meaning. The question of Jesus and God existing or not took in other religions and dinosaurs along with evolution as we through it all in to the discussion. It was quite a lot for 6:30am.
I looked on Facebook as he watched Power Rangers in bed and saw a lad I know who had posted about a crushing loneliness in his life. I instant messages him back and said how I had been lost and lonely for thirty years before a realisation hit home that it was 'other people' who were ultimately the problem that ruins things in your day.
We all need someone or something to hang our expectations on or tell us we are on the right path. But since life is a random path of events pushed and pulled by those who interact with it, we shouldn't stress about it. Just like our face in the mirror not being the way we would have chosen it to look, we need to accept our place in the world and keep putting one foot in front of the other in our snail speed progression through the worlds filth.
Keep your head down and keep the people in your life to a few, that's my advice.

Good Friday 2013

It's Good Friday. A day so presumptuous it could only have named in gods name. My work is one if the ones who work our usual half day and have the Tuesday off so its gonna be a good break for me including today. I visited my family to drop Easter stuff off last night. I had been shocked and annoyed to find both Asda and Sainsburys without a single Easter egg. I just bought bags of chocolates instead. This means I will have to be extra organised next year. I was also annoyed to see that the postman hadn't dropped in the LOVEFILM package which I've been eagerly waiting for again. I actually suspect him of taking it home and seeing what's inside first. It could be done. The cinema beckons this weekend and I have five to see if possible, that is if I can get parked conveniently since the Travelodge has decided that is parking area is all for them. When it was built the agreement was that some of the spaces were always kept for the public. It seems they are trying to hold them all now.
No doubt I won't get thorough all my plans for the break as is usually the case. But I'm not going to even write them in a list this time, lets just see what I get done as and when. I think I'm currently on film number 103 of the year and it's not April yet. The world sounds quiet today with most people off work. It's 6:37am and I've no heard a sinkage car go through Silsden yet whilst writing this. Well I best get to work, talk later.

Take this waltz/failure to connect

I settled down and watched TAKE THIS WALTZ last night. Seth Rogen and Michelle Williams as a married couple. Williams' character is tempted by a neighbour and the story follows her path. God it left me quite worn out. It was bleak. It had moments of gloom from relationships of my own and it made me squirm in my seat leaving me in a funny mood. It was similar to BLUE VALENTINE in many ways.
Someone at work has split from her partner before Xmas and is still being psycho about her ex. It's ugly to watch to be honest. To see the pointless carnage follow a breakup, knowing that it won't achieve anything.
On the film MAGIC TRIP the other day some bloke said that what gets in the way of relationships is the expectations of how love is supposed to be by both parties. I know I'm guilty of having my idea of how love should unfold and play out and seeing that clash with the other person involved.
We should just love what our relationships actually are.
I got into a position of having a partner complain I didn't spontaneously hug her enough. I said I did it infrequently when I actually felt the desire to do it and I didn't think that making a mental note to falsely do it once a week would be beneficial to either of us. But that is what she pushed for. So I went home every day and gave her a pre programmed hug as I walked in, all the time grimacing over her shoulder.
Now part of that problem was her expectation I think, but I played a massive part too. My struggle to show emotions when face to face is something I'm aware of these days and to avoid any further trouble I've made a pact to stay single. Now I've been known to have a dance in a club and really enjoy myself (years ago when pissed). But if my lover was there I couldn't do it. I'd be embarrassed in front of her. This is just one instance of my struggle. I can write honestly on these pages and be an open book but I couldn't sit and talk through my feelings with my girlfriend.
I don't know if I've mentioned before about this problem with being 'seen'. But this made me see a pattern which extends right back to my time as a six year old or thereabouts. My mum and dad ran a bakery/shop in Cullingworth and I used to put a cardboard box on my head and walk through the shop looking at customers through the small crack at the bottom. In the years since I put it down to one guy in particular who I was scared of. But now I think about it, I still prefer to view the world that way.

Snowy selfishness.

The snow ploughs have created walls of icebergs at the side of the roads on many a road which I travel on. This mornings school run suffered a long tailback due to it still being single laned in some worse struck areas.
Naturally nobody wanted to let anyone in. Hatred and selfishness comes easy first thing in a morning. I was only seven minutes late to work.
On my journey I saw a stunningly large icicle hanging like a sword of Damocles over a corner of pavement which is a popular short cut for pedestrians. It was a long as my leg and almost as thick and the unsuspecting public stood beneath it oblivious. Come the thaw, that could well kill a person. Instant death by an ice dagger. I think it may be one of the perfect murder weapons since it melts along with your fingerprints. It's probably been used in a film storyline or an episode of Columbo.
Another side effect of the snow is the delay of the post. My son and I have waited four days for our Lovefilm games and films. How selfish of the postman to think of how he will struggle to deliver? Doesn't he know we are expecting our game disk? All the time he spends being selfish is more time that he's not thinking about me! Twat.

Film marathons and biscuits.

The lazy Sunday has been so lazy that my bones hurt from inactivity. Ah this is life.....of a lazy fucker that is. I watched a film early this morning, followed by a film, a read and a film plus a film.
One more film and I'm at 100 this year. The last half of today has brought up thoughts of 'what is everybody else doing' but one look at Facebook is enough to tell me that they are pissing their life away with shit too, so all is good.
I finished reading my first Jack Reacher novel this afternoon. It wasn't as enjoyable as Harlan Coben books. I've dined on half a packet of caramel chocolate biscuits and another half a packet of chocolate hob nobs. So I consider that I haven't eaten a whole packet of biscuits with the defence that they both have the other halves still in the cupboard!
The quietness of the room I'm in is something I adore. As much as I think about female company here and there as some kind of fantasy where the girl thinks I'm the most interesting person they've ever met (just like in a Woody Allen movie), I shudder at the real prospect of having my free time taken away. Especially if it leads to the usual spirit sapping judgements which females bestow upon me. You can keep your breasts ad other lumpy bits......I can live without them.
Ps...I'm not bored.

Drugs and writing

I've spoken before of my recreational drug past. This morning I'm watching a film called MAGIC TRIP about the author of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST going on a road trip across America with a group of friends, all wasted on LSD. A road trip is something I've always fancied but my life hasn't worked out like that. In fact its worked out better with my having my son and everything but the fantasy of losing a year to a road trip, especially drug fuelled one still seems romantic to me. Watching this film makes me fondly remember my LSD nights but thankfully doesn't have me plotting to do it again. I'm still a non drinker and obviously drugless too.

Today I am having a lazy day where I haven't opened a single curtain or indeed had a wash yet. Grimy I know but I'll have a good bath later. Sometimes its very freeing to lay in your own filth. Not that I'm filthy as I had a shower yesterday. Anyway why am I trying to convince you of anything? Lay off!

This is also a film which inspires me further to write anything/something. As you can read here, I write often and in more places than just here you understand. I find words gather in my system every day and I can only hold them in for so long. I wish I had a decent writing desk at my disposal but I don't even have enough room for one here. But the invention of the ipad is not to be knocked. A typewriter may seem more iconic but they are cumbersome things. I also do my diaries handwritten and there's something very organic about them. The scrawlings have my DNA in them in some way.
So my only drug today will be sugar soaked caffeine.
Have a good day, everyday.

Investigation report

The passing week approached the last of March 2013 and I awoke to bad snow. I drove and picked up my boy early from home with school being cancelled. We hunkered in the warmth of home and played PS3 together whilst eating crips, ah the joys of male bonding.
I've decided to copy in the small write up of Thursdays investigation below.
I've watched 43 film so far this MONTH alone and I'm impressed with myself. The cinema is cancelled this weekend but ill watch some at home still. It's Sunday morning as I write and I'm going to have a full day at a home which I haven't done this year yet.
Anyway here's the write up...

Private House Investigation 21st March 2013.

Reports were of electrical disturbances including flickering lights and people being blown in the face plus cold feelings on the forehead whilst in bed or hair being played with. The was a tale touched on of a girl trapped in the cellar and a sighting of a grandparent upstairs. So we gathered in the kitchen and set up a baby monitor speaker upstairs and a motion sensor in the cellar.
Baselines readings were done along with protection and we took to the Ouija board. We had a female come quickly to the board along with low level clicks on the gauss meter.
The female said the house 'belonged to the spirits' and that she lived here in 1897. Mary Lidon was the name given. Mary died in the house and was 4 years old. We asked various questions to Mary who stared to answer but seemed to be slowed to a stop, maybe by another spirit present. It seemed obvious we had more than one.
Gill and Si both believe they know what happened with the spirit family as we worked. Si asked for the gauss to be clicked faster and it did pick up in speed slightly. When he asked for it to be stopped completely, it slowed audibly but not entirely.
Since Mary seems inhibited we call out to another spirit who may be in charge.
A clients family member steps forward, I shall call him just JR.
JR helped us identify a Donald Lidon. There was a fire which Donald Lidon started by accident and in which Mary and possible others perished. Donald felt angry at 'everyone' because he had survived. There was a lot of guilt and torment involved with Donald.
Some if the details gleaned from the board were too dark to go into here but I can say that we found 7 spirits were around in the property but Mary and Donald seemed to be the issue. We found Donald's wife was called Laura and his Daughter was Jackie. Mary was Donald's granddaughter and he thought the world of her. However he needed forgiveness for some of his choices in life. We offered to try and cross him over since we seemed to have done it once before successfully. We asked JR to mediate and help us where possible.
We conducted our understood 'crossing' and Mary and Donald went through to the other side. It was here that a few of us commented on a growl noise. The glass spun and spun until it slowed and stopped. JR confirmed it had been a success. JR didn't necessarily agree with us helping Donald cross over but he was happy to help.

Another nights experience under our belt and another story to tell.

Snow in March again

Little footprints in my yard today

Sheep Dreams

I awoke from a dream where I was sharing my bed with a sheep. I rolled my head on the pillow to see its sleeping face next to me. I needed a wee and realised my arm was underneath the sheep. I removed it in the hope that I wouldn't wake up my sheep friend. It was I who woke up and had a real visit to the loo.
Upon my return to bed I thanked my lucky stars that there was no sheep there and even more so that there was no partner. I'm so glad I'm single.

It's midweek and passed mid March. Aside from my radio hobby ending I only have a private house paranormal investigation to speak of this week.
The weeks are getting quieter for me of late and its wonderful.
The only people keeping me sane are my son (naturally) and an ex girlfriend who has become something of a helpful ear. This does seem strange on first look but its actually enjoyable having someone on my side.
I try not to think about our friendship as such in case I uncover something I don't like.
So, moving on...

2013. The year seems a slippy one. No sooner is my back turned and its another month nearly over. 2013 seems so futuristic and its only when I see my face in the mirror or an old photograph that I see so much time has passed. My life seems split into chapters like in a book. Thankfully I'm enjoying a more enjoyable chapter at the moment and its also nice to not know what the next one might be about.

'Youth'enised.

There's something about a hot shower and a shave which transforms the face from nearly thirty nine year old looking to thirty six year old. God bless soap, steam hair product. It's all superficial though as when I enter the pub tonight I'll let out a deep sigh as I sit my body down. I can't seem to even bend over without exhaling and holding onto something.
I'm currently watching Scott Pilgrim before I leave. Good film, Ramona Flowers is awesome.
My radio future is pretty much decided. It's over. The jump being discussed tonight is only from one half run place to another.....and further away.
Life evolves and changes and one has to embrace it.
Or you can just cry loudly and stamp your feet but that's not my style.

Catch up: march 2013.

The weekend passed into memory quickly last week and the small fragments of my activities amounts to these:
I went to watch The Croods 3-D and was really really impressed with the depth of the 3-D. It's a great film too. I also watched Red Dawn and even though it was predictable and daft, I also enjoyed it as well.
I was happy when jam radio cancelled a rewiring on Sunday which meant I could set off for another cinema double bill early. The problem was an ambulance blocking my street at my set off time. Even I had to concede that this persons need to stay alive was more important than if I saw Welcome To The Punch or not (just). I still managed The Incredible Burt Wonderstone though. It also allowed me to get my free mobile upgrade... Except I was thirty days too early.. (Fail). I also got told to not park in the travel lodge car park which I had always done since I'd heard it wasn't just for customers only previously, but now I was told it was.
So I'm going to have to work around that in future.

So with Radioactive being shut down due to a small conflict between the presenter (not me) and the bosses, I am radio less. However I'm meeting the team tonight for a chat about our options on another local radio station. The thing is... Can I be bothered? Time will tell.

I'm halfway through relearning the Tarot cards and I have a queue of people who want to be my test subjects for my first readings. I also tried my pendulum board and crystal ball the other night. It was interesting.

Ok speak to you soon.

Getting into scrapes....

It could have been the fact that I had stayed back at work for ten minutes or the fact that I was opening the passenger side window, or even that someone was coming down the ramp towards me that made me lose concentration and reverse my works van against the gates at the bottom of works drive. The scraping noise woke me right up. The lad from the garage next to the gate came to see what the noise was, but I was already fleeing the scene.
I drove all the way home praying that the noise had sounded much worse than the damage was. I even asked God and the angels to fix it for me before I looked. Maybe they did a bit. When I looked I saw a scratch and a graze and a hole in the rear light plastic. It had sounded worse.
Realising I didn't want to sleep on it I drove round to my boss's house but he wasn't in. I rang him and he didn't answer but he rang back after I'd text him. I even sent him a photo of it to prepare him. He was amazingly chilled and thanked me for letting him know.
Phew. It was all my fault and ill just have to pay for it fixing. I've reversed out of there for thirteen years without incident. But this one time......well......it's too late now.
Gutted, don't get me wrong, but the only way out is through now.
A little wake up call to shake the complacency.
It makes me remember all the near misses I've had and how many times I've been lucky not to have made a mark in car parks etc. so I guess this is overdue.

Charitable comedy?

It's comic relief time in the UK once more and out come the bankers, supermarket cashiers etc wearing Pyjamas to work!! How fucking hilarious is that? It's like the pinnacle of all that's funny right?
You're right.....it isn't.
If this was ever funny (it wasn't), after decades of such japery it's surely no longer amusing.
I suggest that we start painting all the women with beards and moustaches and have the men wear lipstick, something subtle like that and no one has got to let on that its odd.
Just ask for my money and ill donate...hang on , ... Not if your dressed in your nightwear.




The sun shines through the trees and dances shadows on my eyes as I sit and wait to collect my son from school on this afternoon in March. As the sun shines above, it's odd that some of the clouds are dropping snowflakes. It's a strange time for weather, currently. LCD Soundsystem rings out on the van speaker and calms my soul for a moment (All I Want, is the track fact fans).
It's a beautiful snap shot of time in my world for these few minutes. The person who made my life worthwhile and worth living is about to come chattering into my company and spend the night with his dad.
Maybe if all the rest of he world dropped dead, we wouldn't notice ... Until the bodies started to smell. At least I wouldn't have to ever queue again.

Time freezes

And just for the briefest of moments, it was like the world had stopped spinning today. Everyone seemed fully concentrated on their own stuff as I watched from my quiet corner. I've had a quiet day inside my head but I've seen people fuming at others or fixated on things that are important to them.
It's been odd but welcome. I guess I feel like I've stepped off a roundabout and looked at the rest of civilisation rotate as usual.
I posted something's online today and immediately wished I hadn't. Not because of what I'd done but just the fact I'm supposed to not be bothering.
The cold snap has really plummeted temperatures and I pray that this is the end of winter..... Since its 'technically' spring.
Life is slow and I love it. I can't wait to see my boy tomorrow so I can tell him I love him all over again.

The Sexual Whiteboard

Further to my 'relationship wristband' invention, I bring you the 'sexual whiteboard'. We've all been there... Laying in bed either wanting to have sexual relations with your partner or feeling their clammy leg drape over you signally the want for closeness.
The sexual whiteboard would have crosses or ticks on for each partner to say without saying aloud whether they are up for it or not.
It would save being spurned or insulted and get you more sleep if you would be wasting your time. There would be a third sign which would be a circle to represent 'open to offers of changing my mind'.
In addition there would be an 'additional information' area for couples to put any more specific desires down.
I think this would make the whole sorry dance much easier.

Too much input day.

The weather ruined my playing out ideas and my son stopped my cinema journey with him in favour of playing at mine all day. It was still good fun of course and in the afternoon we called at my mums with flowers for Mother's Day. I told him I loved him and I'd had a great day and he said he loved me too and had also had a great time with me...hearing that never gets old.
I had a double bill at the cinema and munched down a pizza late on Saturday night.
Sunday dragged my ass out if bed to do my last training appointment for two new DJ's who have joined the radio station. One of the newbies dropped out but the one left and myself couldn't get let in to Jam as they wouldn't answer the buzzer. We were joined forty minutes later by more people unable to get in. I called it a day and went to the cinema for a double bill again.
Thank god I've resigned from that voluntary thankless endeavour. I came home mid afternoon and wrote a few reviews for my part on the radio show this Tuesday and then proceeded to watch another double bill at home. So with four films watched in a day I am almost getting on track with my film a day desire. It's currently day 69 of the year and I've watched 67 films. I will crack on and this time next week I will be ahead. I must watch 331 at least this year to beat my record.
Even while driving or cooking, I've been listening to podcasts too so my mind feels fried with all the input even though physically I've been very still. This week which starts tomorrow should be a shift of gear towards a more relaxed one in a hope of pottering around my home with nothing to do. I need to have 'aimless' time or I'm going to go mad.
Roll on the summer. I need sunlight.

But as its 9:29pm now and I'm already in bed, I'm going to round off my weekend reading some more of my borrowed LEE CHILD book 'The Affair'.

Farewell.

Passing the Force from Father to Son.

The weekend looms...

Well people, its Friday. I'm in a good mood I have to admit. This afternoon I am signing the marital home over to my ex wife and therefore my son and step kids too. It will something of a full stop and separate us just that little bit more officially. I must add that we completely get on so there is no ill will.

My son and I had plans to go to an amazing outdoor play area but the weather wants to quite literally ' piss on those plans'.
So I'm hoping he will want to watch Journey 2 The Mysterious Island at the cinema. He's the boss so we'll see.
I have my own cinema excursions booked naturally even though I sat through a double bill last night (Hansel and Gretal Witch Hunters and Stoker).
I have my last session of radio training to do for a couple of people and then my time is free as regards radio management.
I'm trying to have a nice stress free weekend this week and enjoy time with my son as ever. Even I can see he's growing up and I relish every second we're together, recording it to memory if possible.
It's Mother's Day on Sunday so I have to visit my own and buy something from my boy to his mum too.
Mothers Day, Fathers Day and Valentines Day...all made up bollocks.

Whitehouse Relationship Wristbands

You've all been there I imagine. Stood with your mates on a night out trying to get a new lover. How much easier would it make things if there were ways of knowing who was already in a relationship, who was gay and who was up for it.
Ladies and Gentleman I bring you the Whitehouse Relationship Wristband.
Much like the STOP BULLYING wristbands which were all the rage a few years back, these ones are cheap, coloured rubber which stretch over your hand to get them on. Each colour represents key segments of society making your efforts more focused.
The colours and meanings are;
RED- Stop, I'm in a relationship or just not interested.
GREEN- Access All Areas, I'm up for the idea.
WHITE- Virginal, a deep commitment is required,
PINK- Underage!

ORANGE- Homosexual
BLACK - Toxic. I'm currently disease ridden.

The wearer could combine the colours to specify further their social standing.

This would revolutionise the courtship arena and save a lot of embarrassment.

What do we think?

(This idea is on tonight's Radioactive radio show, I hope the listeners like it)

38 and all's well

So here I am. I'm 38 for a little while longer yet. I've reached a great place of creative freedom where I can express myself through a variety of outlets.
I lead a simple life which I find rewarding especially as there's no aggro.
I'm single. Does that cause me problems? No, but I do contemplate the idea of whether I will always want to be single. It feels like I want that I have to say. But what we want now may change come the passing of twenty years. Although at that age I will most likely be harder to be around.

I'm still Involved in team efforts such as a radio show where I give some film reviews and mess about a bit too. I'm in a paranormal team which I have various spin off projects from which I have full control over.
There's a couple of writing projects being worked at too.
All in all, things are good.
So lets get down to the trivial and inconsequential. Today I took a parcel to the post office for work and heard a lady behind me softly saying "we're in the post office" to someone as if speaking to a young child. I glanced out of curiosity expecting to see a baby. However she held a young pup in her hands.
This woman thought that the dog would not only get a general idea of being told its location, but would know the general workings of a post office in particular. The dog continued to look forward and didn't remark in any way to its obviously to me, senile owner.
Dogs hear repeated 'tones of voice' and he length of which, in a repeated scenario, may lead to a Pavlov's Dog situation. But they don't grab the rudimentary understanding of a the local businesses do they?
I'm not an animal lover, you're right.

Moderation

Twelve hours working on a novel with my aunt was much more mentally exhausting that imagined. Maybe the tiredness and the caffeine rich coffees struck each other in the afternoon. I certainly felt out of it for half an hour. It feels good to come away with a feeling that I helped construct a product of kind with today's hours. On the other hand i feel run down now.
We spent a lifetime saying 'one day we will have to write something together' and so at least, even if it turns out to only be for one day, at least we did. Perhaps this project will actually be finished and it will get a publisher, but I have to say that seems to far down the track. It will more likely reach a stage where its just a batch of printed sheets. As long as it can be read though, right?
I sorely need some time for myself though damn it. I want a whole day where I can potter at home and occupy myself without structure. That is true rest, not the OCD type of time management which invariably constructs each day. I want March off from pushing to complete stages of personal projects. But the grass is always greener.
Tuesday's Radioactive will continue to fill that evening, which only really leaves me Thursdays to please myself at home.

Moderation is key.