Take this waltz/failure to connect

I settled down and watched TAKE THIS WALTZ last night. Seth Rogen and Michelle Williams as a married couple. Williams' character is tempted by a neighbour and the story follows her path. God it left me quite worn out. It was bleak. It had moments of gloom from relationships of my own and it made me squirm in my seat leaving me in a funny mood. It was similar to BLUE VALENTINE in many ways.
Someone at work has split from her partner before Xmas and is still being psycho about her ex. It's ugly to watch to be honest. To see the pointless carnage follow a breakup, knowing that it won't achieve anything.
On the film MAGIC TRIP the other day some bloke said that what gets in the way of relationships is the expectations of how love is supposed to be by both parties. I know I'm guilty of having my idea of how love should unfold and play out and seeing that clash with the other person involved.
We should just love what our relationships actually are.
I got into a position of having a partner complain I didn't spontaneously hug her enough. I said I did it infrequently when I actually felt the desire to do it and I didn't think that making a mental note to falsely do it once a week would be beneficial to either of us. But that is what she pushed for. So I went home every day and gave her a pre programmed hug as I walked in, all the time grimacing over her shoulder.
Now part of that problem was her expectation I think, but I played a massive part too. My struggle to show emotions when face to face is something I'm aware of these days and to avoid any further trouble I've made a pact to stay single. Now I've been known to have a dance in a club and really enjoy myself (years ago when pissed). But if my lover was there I couldn't do it. I'd be embarrassed in front of her. This is just one instance of my struggle. I can write honestly on these pages and be an open book but I couldn't sit and talk through my feelings with my girlfriend.
I don't know if I've mentioned before about this problem with being 'seen'. But this made me see a pattern which extends right back to my time as a six year old or thereabouts. My mum and dad ran a bakery/shop in Cullingworth and I used to put a cardboard box on my head and walk through the shop looking at customers through the small crack at the bottom. In the years since I put it down to one guy in particular who I was scared of. But now I think about it, I still prefer to view the world that way.