Autumn dreams

My dreams are full of broken fragments of eras of my life mixed with feelings of times lost, such as my youth. Ex partners and made up partners weave in and out of the story as a sleep readying to wake. I miss socialising. I miss the buzz of drink but not much else. 

I had a great long weekend with my son and that was precious but should I try and create a partner situation for me? I don't really know if I even want that. If I could cherry pick off a shelf then I would but it doesn't work like that. 

My time at the gym has me up to 150 pounds this week so there's progress happening that I don't want drink to ruin.  

I've been allowing credit card spending to rise again and I've given myself a guilt trip about that so I'm going to be more tight. 

The summer is leaving and Autumn is coming. But what other changes are occurring within me? 

Drink drink girlfriend

It's a Wednesday morning. Since 7:15am I've had the strong urge to have alcohol. I've not had alcohol for four years. Nothing is wrong in my life and yet the urge has sprung up. I hope it passes. 

My YouTube channel is building up with videos and my son is loving it too.. Too much his mum says but then she would say that no matter what his favourite thing was. 

It's deathly quiet at work but showing signs of picking up. I'm currently being pestered by a lady over coming on ghost investigations for free. I'm handling it with a painful honesty though. 

My son is shining brighter than ever, but at 7 I fear I'm in the middle of our playing years already. I still enjoy every minute of being with him as we play in a world of our shared imagination. 

Life is good but there's the nagging thought of having a partner again which troubles me.