So I finally reached for the printed sheets the doctor had told me to read through after arranging to have a vasectomy. Three weeks had passed since I was given them and it was about time I checked there was nothing too objectional to deal with. The first sheet was a bulletpoint sheet of things to bear in mind and then in went into THE PROCEDURE. I read it as briefly as possible looking for keywords and noticed' dissolvable stitches ' and 'incision' were there as expected but what I didn't expect was the words ' take these two tubes and tie a knot in them'. Is this still the best medical science could offer me, to do me up like a cheap shoelace. My usual sniggering was absent as I read 'penis' and 'testicles' as the colur had also left my cheeks.
The last sheet was a full A4 diagram of said Genitals and it still took me by surprise. This seems to be the one and only cross section drawing of the male undercarraige that gets reused in biology lessons etc but it's a view I never recognise as relating to me, it always looks unfamiliar( this is not the same as the diagram which adorns many a school boys bag/blazer/book. On closer inspection I still couldn't see the tubes tied in a pretty bow and in the end it seemed more like looking at plans of construction on a house. I thought this would be a great episode of Grand Designs when the couple said "well Kevin we want a long slightly curved hallwall and kitchen through room with two oval rooms next to each at one end. And as the finished house gets the helicopter flyby shot Levine face is in close up as a large set of concrete genetalia covers the landscape.