Some days I feel like Eddie Brock inside the Venom Simbiote from the spiderman.
I'm trapped inside a costume which controls me against my will.
I have moments of self doubt.... Well days and sometimes weeks. Yet another me has an unfaltering self belief who believes if I only put one small foot in front of the other, then I can achieve anything.
These two people in me think that the other one is an idiot. So this third, uncertain, narcissistic projection of me. Who is writing now... Gets caught in the cross fire of the though patterns of the two stronger characters.
I notice and understand more and more that I am a person have only ever puts one foot into anything, leaving one foot out incase I need to escape.
A commitment-phobe?
Certainly an irritation to others who try and rely on me.
That's why I distance myself from everyone..... So that I reduce their disappointment and frustration in me.
It's like rolling dice each day and not knowing what personality I will embody.
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