This weekend has been a lovely chance to reset the clock on my routine. Just having a proper weekend for a change has been just the tonic to balance my energy levels and get a grip on myself. The last weeks have been tough on me and the work has been shit. But I'm ready for more this coming week. I've watched a few films this weekend and I'm out of the door in a moment to watch the remake of Carrie. I've been so organised that even though it's only December the 1st, I've stared wrapping presents up for Xmas. My son and I had a great time as ever playing as characters who were actually also playing the PS3, which is a but if a headf***. I've lost some hours to Call Of Duty ghosts which I find better than the multiplayer mode. I think it's my job to be apart from the world, at least I know where I belong and I'm ok with it. There was a minor disappointment last week but even I can see that the bigger picture shows things going more my way. Christmas will be pleasant.
The double cinema trip to round off my weekend made for an enjoyable but weepy end. Saving Mr Banks had us all wet eyed in the dark. Even listening to Neds Atomic Dustbin on the drive home had me almost in tears. I think this being single and withdrawn is making me feel that my life is over BUT the thought of being in a relationship with reality is just not going to happen. I feel like I've cashed in my chips ....but I'm sure I'm happier than the other side of the fence. Maybe it's just loneliness. But nobody could actually share my feelings exactly as I need them to. I go round on circles.
I know one thing.....my son is the flaming torch which keeps the demons away. I came out of 'Banks' wanting to create even more memories with him.
But now it's bedtime.
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