Brain shadows

In a small dark part of the Earth I sit, amongst my memories of times gone by. The memories fall through my fingers as I recount then because they are flimsy notions which have been given life by nostalgia which gives them a shine of added lies which ends up with them being different to how they actually happened. Time fades the truth and age changes the perception of what happened and why. Sometimes I sit atop my throne of self righteousness and other times I crawl amongst the shadows at my feet where I wait for life to run out. 

There's always a battle. A battle to be a half of a whole and a battle to stay all to myself. There's magic in my head but there's only room for one person. Me. 

Sometimes I even forget what I'm searching for once the scent fades away. Then I get a sense of being in the right track with nothing to stop me. I trust that instinctual voice which is like a sent on a breeze leading me to something I believe in but can't explain. But when the fog rolls in, thick and fast, I waver for a second trying to get my bearings and in doing so, lose all memory of what I was chasing. 

A flower blooms and dies. I never bloomed. I was born and next, in many years I hope, I will die. Maybe I'll be immortalised in another life. Maybe I'll have something to offer others in the next life. Maybe I already gave my all in a previous incarnation and this is a rest life. 

Do I really need an earthly world to inhabit when I only ever ride inside my brain? I am the electrons which permeate my inner cortex. The photons on which light travels. Do I even exist?