Feed the muscle starve the brain

Another day starts and the eating every two to three hours continues. It's a routine now as much a part of my day as sleeping and going to the toilet. But routine is a good thing to me. It centres me and is a rock I can cling to. A port in my daily storm. I'm not a man of spontaneity. I don't like surprises because my time is so specifically calculated that it only interrupts that which I had planned.

My focus these last two days have been my impending haircut. I'm considering going for a shorter clipper length than my new move to a number 4 and 5. Is 3 all over too drastic? Will it reveal my thinning crown too much?  These and other such stupid worries keep my brain full through my working day. Probably because I'm not engaged with a film or game. 

Soul progression.

A lovely time with my son playing together and making masks led onto an evening where the cinema times didn't match my plans. This was fine though and although i deliberated going to the gym to do cardio, I in fact cracked on with films and TV followed by Destiny gaming. It's always bitter sweet once my boy's gone home. I miss him immediately but take heart from the knowledge that he wouldn't want that. I know it's only a day and a half until I see him again. I often have to check my thoughts and remind myself that many dads have to wait until the next weekend. 

I also have to acknowledge the fact that I am selfish at heart and need time just for me. 

This is why the current breakdown of time works forms so well. But it doesn't lessen the guilt, especially when he himself says he doesn't want to go to his mums again. 

When I feel like this I usually ask to have him two nights in a row. 

I went to the gym this morning and pushed it as far as I could. I'm giving it my all and eating like a horse. It takes so much effort to change your body, it's staggering really. I went to visit my grandma and she described her skin as being like paper and told me 'not to get old'. This was because she'd taken a plaster off only to rip good skin off with it. This was on top of the story of her older sister who now doesn't recognise my gran when she sees her. Her sister talks about invisible animals in the room amongst other nonsense. The only way to avoid getting old is to die before it and I plan on avoiding that. If I can watch films then I'm still good. 

It's made me desire even more than I try, to enjoy time with my young son whilst innocence still shines from him untainted by the darkness of the world. He is already a better version of me and I dread the corruption of his character by others hurting him. Although isn't that the only way which our soul learns skills and therefore progresses? 

 

Deep in self.

Floating in a void of self, I lose myself daily in a succession of tv series episodes, podcasts, books and audiobooks which entertain my brain leaving the usual work, gym and sleep to fill the blanks of life in, for that is the true order of our time. Work is not a choice as such, but rather a necessary evil. I had a friend call last night, a fellow 40 year old lamenting his lost youthfulness as he converse with workmates who were not born at the time of moments he references in conversations. 

I guess everyone is a dying breed constantly. 

It was good to have a friend call but we both laughed at our antisocial choices of being happier in our own company. His tales of family worries and day to day bitching made me yet again understand I'm better off out of it. 

Solitude and loneliness are close relations no doubt but exhibit different outcomes. 

One is chosen and the other is forced upon you. 

Today my son realised that while in his car seat he could reach the automatic window button. He has always used his foot to lower his window since the button is near the gearstick. The realisation of growth (plus his fast shortening trousers) gave us both an excited satisfaction that we'd mentally logged this historic point. Like any parent, I fear my child growing up but at the same time celebrate these moments with him. 

I visited my grandma today (94) who told me that her 'skin was like paper' as when she ripped off a plaster who skin came with it. Add this to the conversations with her 100 year old sister being almost gibberish because of her bleeding on the brain, and it's left me with a new fear of the end of my life. My forties arrived and so will death. I only hope it is at least another 50 years away. 

Sometimes I question whether I'm fully living at all. The voice in my head debates with me that you are only alive if you are in a relationship. But for the most part I know this to not be true. 

Do we really need others to validate our existence? 

PPS write up

Bradford Offices 2014

Visit 3.  

Cellars.

The team descended into the cellars and set up our equipment on a Thursday evening. We were joined by 'Phil' again after our last visit to an upper floor. With the temperature at 15.4C and the time reading 20:23pm, we began protection. 

Si led our asking out for spirits to make a noise for our dictaphones and explained our innocent intentions. 

Si shone his red laser thermometer at the floor and asked for a clod spot to be generated where the dot was. 

"Borrow some of our energy if needed". 15.0C

"Please take it down to 14.0C if you can"

14.6......14.4........14.2C Baring in mind that with us all in one room, the temperature would go up realistically. 

I ring my Singing bowl in the understanding that it seems to promote EVP's to be stronger. Si explains our equipment and how it may be influenced. We hear nothing obvious and so Si knocks out for a reply. Hearing nothing obvious we try whistling. 

We don't know if anything will have been caught until I review the audio and turn to the ouija board for communication.  

With the usual amount of asking into the dark, Si asks then I ask and then we resign ourselves to giving our names first in order to win over anything listening. Interestingly the temperature is steady at 15.4C again. 

The people at the board feel what may have been a twinge on the glass but twenty minutes later we are coercing spirits to show themselves in some form or another. 

How often do you wait for a spirit to come forward before accepting there isn't any here right now? 

My patients was certainly tested and we try backing up to the YES/NO table instead and have a two minute break. 

I take this opportunity to dowse using my pendulum, asking for a rotation on the number of spirits here. I  seem to have an answer on 1. This makes us pursue an answer from this 1. 

Thirty minutes in and Sue asked out saying "If there's a lady here...er. I don't know why I said that" 

The glass finally stutters a significant movement. 

The glass is allowed practice and gets better with it's dance around the board. 

Si "Are you a lady?" A gentleYES. 

"Are you afraid of us?" YES

"Please don't be afraid of us, Have you ever done this before?" No movement. 

Si has an abbreviation n his head which he doesn't share. 

Phil "Are you associated with this building?" 

"Perhaps you worked here?" YES

"Did you work below stairs?" YES

"Were you a servant lady?" 

"Were you in charge of everyone down here?" NO

Phil "You know what?....I sense a child" 

Si "She's not very old, I think you're right"

Si "I've got a mid teen in my mind"

Si "So you were older than 10?' YES

"Older than 20?" NO

I get a marble to put under the glass. 

Kevin "15?"

Si "Older than 15?" No answer.

"Were you 15?" YES

Si puts the marble under the glass after the glass comes to the edge of the table to collect it. 

The spirit is moving the glass with more excited force now and seems to enjoy the novelty of the marble.The glass shoots with a curve so that the marble spins around the inner rim and stops dead until the marble finally comes to a complete stop. 

Phil "I get the feeling that she came down here" YES

Sue "Did you help them down here?" YES

The glass spins the marble. 

Sue "Wow, you're really strong" 

Phil "You're not scared of us now are you?" NO

It is now that we place the ouija board back on the table. 

 

The glass seems fascinated by spinning the marble. 

Si "Did you hear us tell you our names?" YES 

The gauss meter flashes in the doorway to a shelved part of the cellar. 

Si asks for the glass to identify both Kevin and Phil which it does correctly. 

Si "Since you won't give us your name, would you give us your nickname?" 

Upon review here, 50 minutes in to our recording, I hear an intake of breath very close to my mic as Si is talking. I simply can't account for a natural explanation. 

An answer is given to Si's request. S-A-L. Si shows that he had wrote this down on a pad when he'd had it come in to his head a little earlier. 

Luckily Si had taken his finger off the glass during the spelling from the spirit. 

Si "Are you stood around this table?" YES

"Are you able to take the glass to where you are stood?" The glass moves to between Si and Sue. 

Sue "Can you hold my hand Sal?" Sue feels her hand get pins and needles and feels sure Sal did as she asked. 

Si "If you visit here, go to yes, if you're stuck here, go to no" YES

"Do you only come downstairs?" YES

"Do you visit any other part of the building?" NO

Phil "Did you have happy times down here?" YES

"Sal, are there anymore spirits down here?" NO.The pendulum was correct. 

Si "Can you spell another word as to why you came down here?" C-A-K-E

*********************************************************

Kevin "What year did you die?" 1908

Phil "Did you live in this building?" YES

"Did you live with family?" YES

Kevin "What month did you die Sal?" 02 

Sue "February?" YES

Kevin "Which date?" 18

Sue "Did you have any sisters?" 2

Kevin "Brothers?" 3

The marble spinning continues. The spread out meters sit quietly. 

Sue "Did you see us work upstairs recently?" NO

Si "have you seen anyone of us before?" YES 

"How many?" 1.The spirit identifies Phil. 

Phil "If I come down here again, will you look after me?" YESSue asks if sal will touch Phil the next time he is down there. Sal says YES.

Chris "How many spirits do you interact with down here?" 0

Si "When you visit and look at this place, does it look to you like it did in 1908?" YES

Chris "is that because of how you remember it?" NO

Chris "So why do you see it as if in a different time?" 

Si "Do you see the people here from 1908 as you look?" YES. Even though sal is alone here,she sees claims to 'see' past people. 

The marble spins and spins until it stops. 

Sue "She won't answer until that marble stops again.

Si "Can you see us clearly?" YES

Chris "Can you see if you get designated the same 'emit light' colour from the past visit upstairs" 

Si "Do we emit light?" YES

Kevin "Does each person emit a different colour?" NO

Si "Do SOME of us emit the same colour as others?" YES

"Are all of us the same colour?" NO

Sue "Can you tell me what colour I am?" B (marble spin) -L (marble spin)..

Si "It might take a while..ha"...U (marble spin) E (marble spin)

Chris "Can you tell us what that colour represents in a word?" NO

Kevin "What colour do I emit?" B-L-U-E (marble spin)

"What colour's Si?" G-R-E-E-N. -Chris "That's changed from the other night!"

"What is Phil's colour?" Y-E (marble spin) L-L-O (marble spin) W.

Sue "Can you tell us which colour Chris emits?" NO

Kevin "Why, Is he not stood close enough to the table?" YES

Chris "Am I shielded?" NO

"Do I not have a colour?" (marble spins) NO

Sue "So Chris does not have a colour?" NO

Si "Does Chris emit light though?" YES

Sue "Bright light? YES...but not a colour?" NO

Chris "Is there a sliding scale?" 

Si "Do colours represent anything ?" YES

Sue "What does blue represent?" 

"Are you not allowed to tell us?" 

Chris "Can we ask what colour Sal is"Si "Do you know what colour you are ?" R-E-D (marble spins)

Phil "Does it represent age?" NO

Chris "Strength?" NO

Kevin "Strength of energy?" 

Si "Can anyone on this side be red?" NO

Kevin "So only people who have passed can be red?" NO

Phil "Is it anything to do with how far away a person is from dying?" No (Damn excellent question though).

SI "Is everyone on your side red?" YES

Chris "So it's something to do with a state of being?" YES

Si "When we pass, do we lose our colour?"

Sue "And then we all become red?" YES

Chris "And what comes after red?, Is there a level after the afterlife?" 

Si "Can you get another colour after red?" YES

"Do you believe in reincarnation and that YOU could once again live in a human body?" NO COMMENT. 

This line of questioning becomes off limits. 

Si "Can you see this camera?, If you stand in front of it, it'll take your picture" Sal doesn't want to. 

Chris "Would you be able to go in that other room and read what i've written down?"

The board goes dead. 

Si "It's gone very quiet"

We wait.

and wait.

As we talk things over we get very cold. 

We urge Sal to come back even if it's just to safely close the ouija board down. 

Finally the marble spinning is back. 

Si "Have we got you into trouble?" NO

"Good, sorry anyway"

******************************************

Kevin "How many servants did your family have Sal?" 5

Sue "Did your dad work?" YES

"Did your mum stay at home and look after you all?" YES

Phil "Were your family from another country?" YES

Si "Please tell us which country you came from" G-E-R-M-A-N-Y

Si "Were your family jewish?" YES

Phil "Did a few jewish families live nearby?" YES

Chris "Do you want to give us one last spin of the marble Sal?" 

The glass gives a large long spin and we wrap for the evening. 

We left the marble on a shelf as promised but the next time we investigated on our event, it was gone. 

C WHITEHOUSE 2014.  

Another quiet day of enjoyment alone.

It was 8AM when I awoke this morning. The previous nights ghost event had been a success but one which I was glad to have behind me. I rolled out of bed and into my gym wear. I figured I'd shower upon returning home again. I managed to avoid pulling another muscle but it wasn't without some aches and pains. Once home again at 10AM I hit my task of least interest first, just as I'd taught my son to do- my PPS review. Once I'd finished the review I felt great and set about making a coup,e of phone calls which I too didn't relish.  

With the dull things out of the way I went to the cinema and saw just the one film. 

I had a feeling of calm in me from visiting Hesketh Farm yesterday with my son. It was about time we got out and did something to remember. The productive morning has led me to read 50 pages of Abarat 2 and make a little plan to read 50 pages most nights. Time allotment is very important to me as I spin plates of entertainment with both hands full. 

The gym has left me almost too tired limbed to write. I have embraced the sitting down as ever though and feel bigger or at least firmer muscled than two months ago. I'm still juggling my idea of what I'm aiming for. Is it to be thin and trim or bulk up? 

I'm coasting along trying to do a little of everything and not be too hard on myself. I'm staying alone a lot recently, ever since I had my shock hair loss. I feel like I'm having to accept myself again before I mingle. Plus I believe people have little interest in socialising with me either. Although the knock on effect of that is that I've had a quiet, stress free carry on. 

I'm attacking a number if tv series currently and I'm loving the progress I'm making. I'm happy all the time with just a sliver of weight around my heart which is all part of being made how I'm made. 

I'm appreciative of all I have and one day becomes another without any shocks. 

Enjoy today for being quiet, for tomorrow may contain screams. 

Circle

I've become lost in a world of Destiny and Minecraft this last week. Also watching four tv series at once takes it's tole. I've made new friends online because of our love of PS4 and had a great time playing alongside them. 

In my dreams I've dreamt of flying in one form or another and awoke thankful I wasn't in an old relationship. Another weekend gone and a new week starts. The circle continues. 

Ghost investigation write up.

Bradford New Office Site visit 2. 

5th August 2014

The team had been informed that since our first visit, which had resulted in an agreement between living and spirits, there had been more activity breaking the agreement. Upon questioning though, it also became clear that the living clients hadn't done exactly as instructed on their part of the deal. 

There had been knocking on a wall at 3am from an empty building. But most disconcerting of all was the extension lead supplying power from next door had been ripped so violently out of the wall that the plug still remained in its socket. I asked Neil if someone had tripped over it and maybe was too ashamed to own up and he replied "Only I have the key". 

Si, Gill, Sue, Kevin and myself were joined by Neil again and three more people who were fresh to investigations. 

I shall rename them Phil, Kim and Diane. The team set up in the same place as before with the intention of a third visit being to the cellars. relatively soon after protection we have a spirit energy at the ouija board who is strong enough to move the glass with just two peoples fingers on. I add that neither of these were in the team. 

Chris "Could you spell out your first name please?" 

The glass is moved  a large circle checking out the board and with the reluctance of the spirit to give a name I do what's worked in the past and have us all give our names. The glass continues to circle.

"When you're ready, stop the glass"

Si suggests the spirit plays 'lose the fingers' with the glass and the rotation spins in circles fast until Si says "change direction!" which it does without difficulty. 

Chris "Your first name please?" R-E-U-G-T-G. This is often the case, especially to begin with. 

Kevin rightly calibrates the board asking the spirit to move to suggested letters to check its control. The spirit successfully moves to the correct letters. 

Chris "Do you know who pulled the wire out?" 

Kevin feels a breeze around him and theres a click on our gauss meter at the same time as Neil feels tingly all over. The spirit admits that it was responsible. 

Chris "Is there an issue?" I  W-A-S  A-N-G-R-Y

Chris "Because...?"  M-A-N-A-N-A-N. (the word man is suggested at this stage and later another word is referenced from this answer. 

Si "So what colour clothes do you wear?" B-L-A-C-K

Chris "We need to know what the problem is and what the solution is to be"  A-D-O-L-P-H-U-S (The spirit from our previous visit)

Si "The colour you wear, was that your uniform?" YES

Kevin "Did you wear a hat?" YES

Si "Did your hat have something to do with your job?" YES

Chris "We had an agreement didn't we?" YES "...you wouldn't do anything if a white star was put up" YES

"Did they do that?" YES (A paper drawing of a star was put up). 

"Was that good enough?" NO

Chris "So is that why you're angry?" YES

"So you took away Neil's power" YES

"Do you have any other issue?" NO

Kevin "Is there anything else we can do for you?" O-W-T-G-U-G

Chris "There was also a report of knocking at 3AM, was that you?" R-A-R-C-P

Neil "Was it you who knocked on my wall?" NO

Kevin "How many spirits are here tonight?" 5

Gill "How many are residents here?" 4

Kevin "So one's just visiting?" YES

Si "So one has just come with a person in this room?" YES

"Is it one of the people at the table?" YES

"Take the glass to who they came with" Kim is pointed out. 

"Can I ask, did the person who knocked on the wall, did it to annoy Neil?" NO

"Does he know that Neil is here?" silence. 

"Does SHE know that Neil is here?" YES

"Is there any way that you can influence her to stop knocking?" YES

"If Neil gets you that star can you stop Neil from being disturbed?"

"If our team return, would you still commune with us?" YES

Chris "Now can we find out who this spirit is, who has been brought along?, Can you tell us?" J-A-N-E

"Surname too?" H-A-S-E-S-F

Kevin "Try again" H-A-S-H-T-H. 

Si "Thanks for trying but we're not getting it" 

Chris "Would Kim recognise your name?" YES

Phil "Which town was Jane from?" R-I-P-O-N (still no relevance to Kim)

Kevin "Is that where Jane came from?" YES

Phil "Is Jane the real name?" NO 

Footsteps are heard on a distant stairwell and I go off to see if I can explain it. As I reach the stairs alone I hear them continue above me and also there's a female murmur. When i reported  back I was told there is no other higher staircase. 

Kevin "Please give your real name" N

Then N-E-L-L-Y   H-A-W-K-I-N-S. 

The impression seems to be that this is Kim's Great Grandma. Kim "Can I call you Nana?" (Nana was possibly the other explanation for m-a-n-a-n-a-n from earlier)

Kim "Is Grandma with you?" YES

"Is Grandad with you too?" YES

"Is he still telling you all his jokes?" YES

"Does Grandma know that we went to the Isle Of White this year for her 90th?, what would've been" 

"Did you go as well?" YES

Chris "Can you take the glass to Kim's house number?" (to verify it's really her) 4-5. 

Kim 'Correct"

Chris "Anything else Kim?"

Kim "Can you spell out my mum's name?" R-I-T-A

"Correct"

Chris "How many spirits does Kim have watching over her generally?" 5

Kim "Are you happy where you are Nana?" YES

Phil "Is it a peaceful place?" YES

Kevin "You can go anywhere you want around the world now can't you?"YES

Phil "Where's your favourite place to go?"........M-A-G-A-L-U-F. Much laughter. 

Kim "Nana are you kidding?" YES

"Is that where you think I would like?" YES

Phil "can you give me the colour of Kim's car?" B-L-A......

"How many spirits are with you at the moment?" 4

Kim "Is Grandma with you now Nana?" YES

A little after we ask for another spirit to come to the table. 

Firstly I shall just interject that during the next section Sue and Si wander off to the back stairs where i'd been and call me round to explain their experience. I find them at the top of the stairs looking down explaining that they had both noticed a sort of clouding of shadow at the base of the stairway. My first explanation is a natural occurrence when sitting in the dark for a while where your retinas try and adjust to the contrast and focus and refocus much like a camera does even going blurry as it tries. BUT SI and Sue seem unconvinced of that. If as they say, they had indeed seen the same change in the shadows at the same time then this explanation stands up less as their eyes would adjust separately to each other's. It stays a thing of personal experience for the pair. 

The next stage of the ouija board had led to NORMAN (Fake name given by spirit) picking Neil out to talk to. (At first Diane seemed to be the choice)

Neil writes down something on my pad privately. 

Neil "Do you know me?" YES

"Do you know my parents?" YES

"I know who you are don't I?" YES

" 'Norman' can you give me the initials of where you used to live please?" At this point I instruct Neil to remove his finger from the glass. R-B (Which does match what Neil wrote)

Chris "Can you write out what I had written on my pad please?" R-U-N-S-W-I-C-K  B-A-Y. This is exactly what was written. 

Si "Did you just come along this evening because you just saw us here?" YES

"Because we use the board respectfully, are we easier to see?" YES

"Were you drawn to us becauseyou knew Neil?" YES

"..And it's easier to find us because you knew Neil" YES

"OK thanks"

Neil "Can you spell the second name of my son? We named him after you" J-O-H-N-N-Y.   correct.

Because emotions are a little high, I ask the glass to spin for fun and energise itself and us. 

I go over the deal struck last visit the sprit says the deal is still on if Neil buys the white star soon.

Kevin and Diane feel a breeze between them. Kim says she feels old at her feet. The glass circles. 

Phil "is there anyone who wants to speak to us?" YES.The glass indicates Kevin. 

Kevin "has someone come with me tonight in spirit?" YES

Si "Were they here when we entered the building?" NO

Si "how many spirits are here now?" 9

Gill "So there's 9 spirits and 9 people, have we all brought a guardian angel with us?" YES

Diane "Out of the 9, how many are residents here?" 5

"Still 5"

Neil "So where does Adolphus fit into this?" 

Later....

Kevin 'Si emits a coloured light of which colour?" P-U-R-P-L-E (Different to what we expected) 

I point out that this question was phrased different to how we came about the answer the 'Green Man'. (See previous investigations for this discovery) Kevin said 'EMITS' rather than 'Represents'. 

Kevin "Let's rephrase that, What is Si known as on your side?" L-E-R-E-S-H

Kevin "Si is seen as a certain colour, which one?" G-R-E-E-N

Neil "The glass is twisting as well!"

Gill "Do we all emit a colour?" YES

Si 'EMIT though...I mean , I've heard of aura's but..."

Diane is now the one who is addressed. Diane "Please spell out your name" L-I-L-L-I-A-N

Kevin "Is that your real name?"NO

Diane "Are you a relative of mine?" YES

"Can you give me a clue to your first name?" G-R-A-N-N-Y

"Would I have ever called you that?" NO

"What would I have called you ?" N-A-N-A

Phil "What town does Diane live in?" No answer. 

Gill "How old is Diane?" 27. (Correct)

Phil "Can you spell out Diane's surname?" The spirit gets it spot on!

"what's the first letter of your christian name?" D.

Gill  "are you a relative on Diane's dad's side?" YES

Phil "How many generations away are you from Diane?" 2

This spirit won't spell it's name out even though Diane must know it.

Si "Ok then , what is the first initial of Diane's dad's name?" This answer is correctly given. 

Diane "What relation is my dad to you?" G-R-A-N-D-S-O-N

Diane "Oh so you would be my Great Grandma"

Gill "Do you have a message for Diane?" 

D-O  N-O-T  L-O-S-E  H-O-P-E.            Wonderful stuff. 

Gill "Are you happy now that you've got that message home?" YES

Neil "How many stars do you want for this deal of ours?" 5 (It's increased)

"Where do I put them, any clue?" D-O-O-R-S

Phil "A door on each floor?" YES

Si "Of which house number?" A number is given. 

plus they HAVE to be wooden and white. 

Due to the power of the glass at times we try table tipping. Maybe ten minutes of patients is required but it pays off as the table tips, spins and even walks on two legs around the room beneath our light finger tips. 

The night is over and so we close down and pack up. 

C WHITEHOUSE 2014 

My Hive

Restart

To start over can be a good thing. I've had many restarts over the years and in different forms. I've evolved in some ways and remained unchanged in others. I take inspiration from all manner of different things. This blog becomes something of a diary when I can't think of anything specific to say and there's been a lot of that lately, but that's wasn't in the mission statement. 

I am 40 years old and live alone. That's statement reads as depressing and yet for the most part, about 90%, it actually describes to me happy things. I've come to learn that I ca reach a joy alone which is impeded upon with others around me. I'm not good at sharing the tv for example. Each hour of my life wasted doing something for others irks me. I'm selfish, true. But I'm honest about that. I like to present myself honestly. I believe I'm not the only one but have seen that society operates on a fake mask of being interested in others. It's a manipulation to get what you want rather than coming out and just saying it. Humans need other peoples 'congratulations'. 

The birth of my son was a defining moment for me but not from the moment he was born. The effects took over twelve months to start because he was just a new bag of skin at first with the magic still wrapped up in his tiny body. He merely represented a glorious thing back then. Now he's my biggest friend and easily proudest achievement. 

My life revolves around he and I. 

One day I'm all about him and the next I'm all about him because I have him on practically a two day rotation. We orbit each other closely. 

The reson for this basic speech is that I 'intend' to make this blog have my experience of life better documented than it has been recently. We'll have to see how that goes. 

It's Sunday today and 7:05am. I'm sat drinking a coffee waiting for the gym to open as I hit the gym at 8am on the weekend. I've pulled a muscle twice so far and I really hope that can be avoided today. Having given up alcohol three years ago and having started the gym 9 weeks ago, I've started to eat much much healthier and drink lots of water. 

My main worry is that in the end I'll drop dead like that Bee Gee's guy did who lived a similarly tee total life. 

But on a day to day basis I feel better about myself and the DEMONS which live deep inside me and starved of energy by not being fuelled by alcohol or recreational drugs. I'm awkward enough without them. 

This afternoon I will be going to a double bill at the cinema as films are my biggest hobby and have been since I can ever remember. I love watching tv series and being whisked away on different adventures rather than say, playing sport or doing things myself. I guess this was why I joined the gym also- to counteract that level of sitting. 

Anyway, for now, here's to the future.......

Fracture

There was a fracture in PPS. This led to my breaking away to be a freelance paranormal investigator. I'm still PPS but have the option of investigating with anyone I choose. Last night I went with an ex team mate to a cemetary near a crematorium and we contacted a spirit via gauss meter and k2. One piece of equipment gives an electronic shriek and the other lights up a line of lights. It was fascinating. 

Friday started foggy and has brightened up to be a proper sunny day. 

I had preordered Minecraft PS4 from Amazon. Since it was out on Playstation Store I asked why it wasn't despatched. They had no idea it was out. It seems pre ordering guarantees it being late these days. 

I cancelled my order and bought it from PS Store instead in a heartbeat. Now I'm just about to pick up my boy from school and we are headed to his gran's to see the new puppy again. 

I think I'm walking on eggshells with everyone at the moment....and I don't know why.