Like most (all?) people, I've always wanted an ear to listen to me. An ear which wants to know trivial things such as how my day's been or what I'd like for tea that evening. More so I'd like an ear to ask what my hopes and dreams are and have a genuine interest in having them realised. I wanted that ear to have aspirations and feelings of its own and I'd listen intently to what it said too. It seems I just haven't found someone who I can have a two way interest in. As the ' soured love' songs play on the radio, I realise that I've wanted an audience of one special person just as much as the next person. It just seems I struggle to give back just as much as people have struggled to be interested.
I'm capable of love because my son has proved it ten times over. In my dreams I meet new lovers who I feel spiritually joined to in an unexplainable way. Then I wake. Reality is present.
Love with a partner is like an illusion which we willingly blind ourselves with.
We all end up with a list of ex's where we look back and wonder why we felt so besotted. But surely the feeling of the first weeks of love were genuine?
It matters not because in the space of time the image sours like last seasons rotting fruit on this years tree.
Still I lament that I have not found a woman who is actually interested in who I am....and I feel the same in return. It's not that I don't feel the desire for love, it's just that in my experience, we all lie to ourselves.
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