I Realised I was dreaming that I was running through a field. I started to utter a sentence which got progressively louder until it became a shout. But as it became a shout, the words I shouted didn't emerge in the dream. I heard a mumble which I took to be what I had made out in the real world. So it was then that I worried about where my control of the dream world ended. At that moment the field be became populated with animals followed by my mind saying "oh I hope I don't dream.." and with that the animals grew twenty foot high like giants. I imagined that they were fenced in. I climbed up the fence but then an over sized sheep approached to lick my tiny climbing hands. As it touched me the fence was then an unlocked gate and it swung open with me clinging on. I panicked and I awoke in bed. Very very strange. This maybe the tenth time I recall realising I was dreaming and trying to manipulate it. I have met my friend in my dream and slapped him in the face and told him "you do realise that you are not real, you are just my imagining of you" but I expect this avatar version to almost reel in horror but ofcourse it doesn't. It's scary when you realise your brain works independently of what you feel is you. If that makes sense.

I am sat outside the doctors once again to start the organising of my operation to stop me having anymore children. It was the fault of the hospital that it didn't go ahead as planned last year. I don't hold any fondness of losing this part of me. My son has ticked all the boxes I needed in this area.

In the doctors waiting room now. Rows of empty seats at the moment. Is the receptionist behind glass to protect her from germs, I suppose that makes sense. It's the serenity of the waiting room which makes me nervous. Doctors and dentists both have tv or radio on quietly and it un nerves me. The sterile Walls and old magazines creep me out. I think I'd rather there was a bit more life, then I'd feel at ease.