"I'm not a robot" (marina and the diamonds), seems to calm my soul at the moment. This is the biggest decision of my life except it's always been in my mind. My friend Dan said to me when I was about thirteen, " you might be the first to marry...but you'll be the first to divorce". I never forgot those words. It seems to be coming true.



Today I am hungover and a little upset at myself. I have swapped the amp that's mine in the living room for the one in the attic so that I can leave quicker when it happens. I feel sick all the time when I think of what I have planned. I feel nothing for my wife. So I should leave right? It's not going to do us any good staying together is it? My son is everything to me and still will be. I will see him as much as I'm allowed. He's not even three so he will get used to the idea quickly enough I hope. I am doing this in the hope that we are all going to be better off in the long run. I'm no fun to be around at the best of times but now I'm an empty vessel. Things have to get worse before they get better.