I finally got the keys and I collected my son and we went together for the first visit to my new house. I was underwhelmed a little. But after looking around with him and then coming back with Mum, it started to seem alright. Today however I see it with a fresh excitement as my boss gave me pots and pans, cups and plates, beds and appliances. Now I see it will be great for me and my boy. After this approaching weekend the decorators come to paint and carpet. The furniture arrives and the fun part of moving in gets underway. It's not been stressful as my boss has done all the hard work. Just another time when I'm made to appreciate having him for a boss/landlord. 
So yes things will start to fall into place soon enough. Even my ex has been ok today whilst talking about rugs etc.

It is now 6am. I'm sure it is because I woke ip at 2am. I watched YouTube, looked on Facebook and worked out finances. I have to collect a bed before work this morning. Add that to getting my first look tonight and that means I'm too fidgety to sleep. Plenty of coffee today. All I need now is overtime. Ok, I am going to lie down until the alarm at 6:45am.

Look. Today all I have done is collected a mattress for my boy to put in my new house. Watched 'Right At Your Door'. Completed Halo 3 again and watched some Most Haunted. 
Tomorrow however, I will hopefully get to look inside this new house.
This is where things slowly start to happen. I just need to stay in control if money now. Forget Ipad2 and new big TV. Just get ahead with money like I promised myself. 
Let's see. I don't hold out much hope.

Today I took my son to Cliffe Castle park which he loves. He was in a very chatty mood today but I was told that he had had a bad night last night. I was told off for not asking how he was between having him. I have him every two days and sometimes everyday so if he is ok when he's with me then I guess he's ok with his mum too. But the beauty of the situation was I could leave. That's what I did. 
After the park we went for a walk during which we passed dog walkers and cyclists. I don't understand why people feel it necessary to say Hello to me when I walk pass them in isolated areas. Nobody ever greets me as I walk over the road on a zebra crossing.I don't say hi in a lift. So why do they feel the desire when I am quietly walking on moorland or nature trails?. 
Is it because we both have had the same idea, to go for a walk at this particular spot. In that case why don't we all say hello in a dentist waiting room where you could use a bit of friendliness.
I just don't understand.

Today was strange with it being a Saturday and not seeing my son. It was fine since I am having him Sunday instead but I was at a loose end. I had sort of promised to give the whole ghost hobby a miss this weekend. I actually watched three Most Haunted episodes, Made a Ouija Board, visited Cliffe Castle and East Riddlesden Hall and bought a digital camera for investigations. Not a ghost free weekend then.

My excitement about moving in was heightened by my boss talking to me about things which he was supplying for the house. I just want to see inside it first. I have nearly everything sorted for moving in now. I just need to sort out the utility bills now. 
Change is imminent this week. 
I hope it all goes well.

I took a walk with my boy around The Great Northern Trail. Hand in hand we walked with an electricity passing between us. I'd do anything for that boy. It was nice to share our each others time. We are extremely close. I answer only to him. He is the best thing I ever fucking created and always will be. 
A fork in the world lays out before me. There's the tried and tested path, with it's bare grass where most of society has passed into marriage and rotted. Then there's the dark path traversing rocky paths and darkness. But overlooking sights that most mortals don't see. That's the plan. 
Documented here will be the findings. 

Finally gave in and bought six bottles of lager. I'm not seeing my son tomorrow so I decide to self medicate with cheaply. I'm a fish out of water floating in between living at mums and moving to house. I can't float totally free because of mum etc being around. The voices are whispering telling me to destroy myself or buy things I can't afford or both. 
Fuck those voices for now... I'm not alone yet.,
I'm in a transitional waiting room of life. The Walls are free of advertisements and time seems to stretch to irrational length, but otherwise I am ok. 
This is how I imagine Arizona.

Tonight I had my tea early in order to rush to The Causeway Foot to drop off another OI card. Then to the Ring O Bells in Halifax centre where WYPG investigated. They had a new young landlord who seemed half interested. Lastly I called at The Olde Shears near the tip in Halifax. A spooky looking place actually. I gave my card to a waitress looking lady who was actually the land lady as luck would have it. She seemed really keen to have us come and I look forward to going. I visited one of the blokes who I had met on my very first ghost hunt. I chatted and drank coffee. Then onto the cameraman's house where we discussed a charity night with our team as the host. In a few months when we are more established, came the reply. There seems to be no stopping me with this stuff. But for now it's time to rest. 

I remembered to speak to our head medium today and it would seem that there are many people to swap both ways,  in terms of one lot asking about the other. I am feeling ready to see where our group has reached in such a small space of time. 
If Bradford Mill Investigation comes about it will be fantastic. I need to spread the word more and push harder at finding locations. 
The weekend approach again. I hope to take a walk on The Great Northern Trail near my mums. I need to walk A Lot more or I will lose the use of my limbs. Although I don't sit down at all at work for eight and a half hours so that must help. I think next week will drag. But then if stay busy and don't think about it, it might not. I hope all is well wherever you are, as I have no idea who reads this, I only know how many a day. Thanks for reading. 

4:20 am. My mind wants to be communicating with people. I think I need a couple of days off from Facebook, OI and E mailing. 
I was so busy writing a piece for our website, that I totally forgot to ring my Medium lady which was unforgivable as finding her in the first place had filled me with joy. Things have snowballed to such a degree that one thing is as exciting as the next. I am ready to be out from my mums now. I worry about being lonely and my starting to unravel again mentally. But what is different this time is you dear readers. I can talk to you, even though you don't talk back, I am never alone as long as someone reads.
What dawned on me the other day was that all this ghost related stuff which I am currently embroiled in, means that the dead are making me more happy than the living. 
The sun came enough for us to work with the shutter up yesterday. There is a spring in your step if the sun is playing outside. People seem optimistic because of it. I hope I can stay positive throughout this year. If you remember, due to my separation with my wife in Feb, I have ruled this year out as a'Gap Year' . 2012 I will be dusted off and ready to get on with my new life. I'm not sure that I even need the final cry that I had promised myself. I don't feel remorse anymore for no longer living with my son as we are getting by just fine. He has been sleeping over a couple of times so I've had my cuddles in bed to calm myself down. Even this year so far has felt really positive.... But it's time now, two months on, to evolve again from under my mothers care and fend for myself once more. 

Through my brother, I have almost organised a ghost hunt of the mill where he worked before the wool industry ground to a halt. Just awaiting a phone call. So this is all very exciting for me. 
For tonight though, after taking my son home, I sat down and watched Quentin Tarentino commentate on True Romance. As a film fan I really enjoy him explaining stuff. I remember fondly this released at the cinema. My girlfriend at the time was just as excited as me about going to see it three times and seeing Reservoir Dogs too. LM she will be known as. She played a very important role in my life but I shoved her to one side to move on like I do to all women in my life. Recently I managed to catch up with her to apologise for being a prick. I mean no matter what, we wouldn't have worked. I hope to catch a couple more magic moments before I am reduced to dust. But for now I have lots to concentrate on. 

My paranormal website now has three members. Keeping up with emails is staggering but enjoyable. I've had a good weekend with my boy although he has a cough and cold again. I went to the cinema alone and it was great. I don't miss being in a relationship one bit. I went on my first chat room today, a paranormal one. I embarrassed myself. I posted something and looked up to see a miss slept word. I corrected myself. But oh no it had not been my post so I corrected someone else's spelling in a clever clever manner. I apologised but the deed was done. I kept quiet for a bit no one said bye to me.
Just over one week until my boss gets his house keys. Excited, but not sleeping great. Too much to think about.

Ok. I finally ordered my first Paranormal kit. I've sent an Email to some places and I'll visit some in person to ask if we can investigate.  Most of you will not believe in this sort of thing and that's fine. But for me, it's taking my life in a good direction. Our web address has already brought us two keen people who I have been chatting to on our site and on Facebook. Without a female partner telling me no I can do as I please. I am keen to move to the new house now. I think the excitement is building as I'm sleeping less. Follow your dreams people, you never know where the will lead you. 
Http://otherworldinvestigations.webs.com/
 

Today I took my son to my Grandmas and there was sence of history repeating itself as I walked my son to her door as my dad had done with me thirty years previously. She said that she knew that I was going to say that I was no longer married. She said it came as no surprise either. 
I spoke to her about my history information of the roman roads and the spirit chasing I was doing. 
I didn't go to the cinema, instead I trawler through the dictaphone footage and wrote it out so I could piece it together for my paranormal website. Then I read a book on Riddlesden which my Gran had given to me. during all this my website got two new members who seem enthusiastic too. Our forum pages were alive today. I'm getting tired now. Possibly only two weeks left until my house is ready. I already feel busy. 

I went to talk to a friends mother in law who claims to have seen a ghost over five times in a shed area which they used as a place to chop wood for the fire when he husband was alive. This woman is 84 and as she spoke about her short conversations with this spirit she also would paint a picture of times gone by. It was really good to sit and listen to what she said mixed in with paranormal tales of old. 
There seemed to be a recurring theme. A roman road was rumoured to run down from Cullingworth and through where they now lived and on to Ilkley. This woman lent me some volumes of books called 'Old Yorkshire'. What I found in these books was validation from the 16 th century that where they lived was the sight of one of the biggest discoveries of Roman money ever made. It was found twenty inches below the surface as a farmer was digging a drain for his field. Also up their road in a large hole leading tunnel-like into the woodland where someone had found Roman spears and helmets. The history and the sighting of a man in her shed telling her to 'not let them find the cross', was all very interesting. I have to make some sort of readable page about this for my website. I need to visit my gran for some more details too. 

I have had my laptop fan issue fixed and now it seems to not just go off of it's own free will. The problem was that the fan wouldn't start at all, resulting in an overheating and crashing issue. But when my mums husband took it apart for me, he pulled out a rectangle of fan inhaled dust, hair and feathers that looked like a piece of gauze. With this out it seems to perform normally. That has saved me a few hundred for a new laptop.Now i can set my sights on an Ipad one day.
I'm very much looking forward to meeting our new potential Medium tomorrow after work. I hope we get on and have the same thing in mind for our working relationship. Two weeks until I get the go ahead on my new house. It still seems a world away if I'm honest.
I was thinking today that all I want out of life at the moment, ultimately, is to make my son proud of me. I could still be tied to the seat I was in the marraige i wasn't suited for. Instead I am pursuing my interests and i'm happier now.

My son came to stay over and it was great but a struggle at bedtime. We slept next to each and I had to tell him numerous bedtime stories until he said it was time to sleep. But he slept eight hours so I'm not complaining. It was great in the morning when he climbed into bed with me. Last night I gave him a bath and it was always me who gave him a bath when I lived there. At least when I get my house these things will be done once again. My son is happy all the time and that's a blessing too. 

When I picked him up yesterday my ex said "are you sleeping ok?" 
I replied "yes thanks"
She came back with "you look fucked have you been drinking heavily?"
"I had three bottles of lager last week and I've had one pint earlier" 
"alright calm down" she tells me. 
Should I say "you look fucked have you been eating heavily?"

I went to keighley's Spiritualist Church to attend an Open Circle. This is where the head Medium gives messages to the people from the dead and where trainee Mediums can speak up if they feel brave enough to try out their skills. 
I sat feeling quietly awkward in a square of chairs all facing inwards about the size of a boxing ring. Proceedings were started like they had been fifteen years previously when I'd been before, with a hymn sang to no music whatsoever. With no music comes no correct key or rhythm. I cringed as 60 people muttered their way to something that seemed a wall of noise of various keys. Like a deaf choir all being told to start 'Now'.
how hard would it be to create the simplest of guide music? A drum beat and a piano just repeating. 
With that out of the way, the Medium started. 
"On the way here today I got a 'Winnie' coming through"
Three couples signalled that they were possibly the intended receiver of the message. 
Then it seemed to become 'Winifred', 'Winnie' or 'Fred'. 
Grasping at straws was my first thought. 
I followed the spirits messages, "they are telling about Jewellery, does that mean anything to you?"
I guessed it would mean 'something' to either female present or female spirit. 
The final message was "they say that you're prayers are being answered" 
I would be disappointed with that. 
Other people were brave in trying out their hand at it too. One lady with glasses seemed to give everything correctly. I wanted to speak to her but she slipped away. At the end of the event I hung around and collared a nice old lady clearing the hymn books away. I explained that I was looking for a medium to join our investigations to add something extra to the readings caught on our scientific equipment. 
What I thought would be fruitless was not. 
The head Medium sat me down excitedly and seemed overjoyed at the prospect of visiting different locations. So we swapped numbers and we shall see what comes of that. 
I take what Mediums say with a small pinch of salt but they do make sitting in a dark room a bit more interesting. At least we have a Medium and if I need to upgrade her then I will. It's only fair to work with her first, after all she was the top one at that church.

I drove away excited and I headed to the cinema to find only three films left to run. I had seen 'Paul' already and the other was Bollywood. So I saw 'No Strings Attatched' which was ok to watch once and it was for free on my cinema pass anyway. 
Midnight to bed and still buzzing. 

Finding out that you are adopted must a terrible situation. So imagine being Superman and finding out that not only are you adopted, but you are  from the planet krypton. I can't imagine how disjointed he must have felt, but it's no wonder he wears his underpants wrong. He's from outer space!!

It's Comic Relief time again when celebrities have a red nose superimposed on their photos and apparently that's fucking hilarious. What the Fuck is funny about a stupid red nose? Nothing. Not a pissing thing. We tune in to seemingly normal tv favourites of ours which have been given the Comic Relief treatment. This means some twat appears asking for money for a valid cause in a stupid nose, or covered in beans. 
Just come on looking respectful and ask for money. No problem. 
But what era are we watching? Lenny Henry, victoria Wood and newsreaders? 
Fucking hell I expect Charlie Chaplin and Des O' Connor to stroll on too with buckets full of confetti..... Set of bastards.

You know how Chicago's known as 'the windy city', well that must be difficult on the tourism trying to attract visitors. 
Travel Agent : "Any idea where in America you would like to go?"
Couple: "Well what do you suggest?"
Travel Agent: "Well, we  have  Chicago, the windy city or New York, the city what never sleeps"
Couple: " What city is known as the 'really nice to go on holiday to' city?"

Isn't it about time New York dropped the 'New' anyway. It's really old now. It should be relegated to just 'York' and York in England should now be Old York.
These names seem silly. I live near a place called Mountain. You can see for a long way over the valley so I can see the thinking behind it but it's a short sighted way to name a place. Surely it's obviously going to cause confusion when you are on another village high up. It would be no surprise to me that the same people had called the surrounding villages "Flat Green Bit" and "Very Treey".

Bolling Hall, investigation results.

The  ground  was covered to such an extent with snow, that I feared the investigation would be cancelled. Luckily the snow melted, causing a thick fog as I approached Bolling Hall. Upon arriving, my sister and I spoke to a member of staff as we walked around the rather spooky Hall. He had said that activity always increased on the eve of a team investigating. Just that morning the staff member had seen a dark figure walk into a stack of shelves in the main hall. 
My sister Becky and I were in Pat's team and location one, was the 'Cold Kitchen'. 
After we took 'Protection', our team started with 'Table Tipping', with slow but eventual success. Upon asking for movement, Pat's walking sticks repeatedly fell down clattering on the hard floor. We moved into the other half of the kitchen and used the table some more. Pat expected more activity due to previous visits but not much else occured. 
Location two was upstairs in 'The Blue Bedroom' where the 'Table Tipping' continued. There was a great moment where the table moved a few feet as we raced after it. It also turned around, as did we, in the dark. But on other occasions the table seemed to want to move but didn't, it just rocked. We had information which claimed that we were in contact with 'Oliver Cromwell'. We got Ian the Historian to ask questions about Cromwell by multiple choice as only Ian knew the correct answers. Ian said the Cromwell questions were answered correctly. It's my personal theory that it was a spirit who also knew things about Cromwell,  messing with our expectations but I'll never know. 
We were alerted to a strange happening in an adjoining room. A torch was being held gently between Paul's two fingers. The torch flashed without the button being pressed. Paul asked questions and then commanded certain flashes from the light which were correctly completed. Even when Paul requested  that the torch flash five times in a row, it definitely did. We were very impressed. 
Location three was the cellar. Pat identified this was the scene of an 'Orgy' of sorts. Nothing else was witnessed though.
Location Four was upstairs in 'The Ghost Room' where we asked for a closed door to open and it swung open slowly with a slight creak, twice. 
Tiredness over came most of us and all of us went home. Another investigation completed and some interesting events to think over. Can't wait for the next one. My sister and I are buying our own equipment to investigate with so this is where things get more interesting.

A very steady day today. Work went without complication and I made pancakes followed by writing my piece for Living Spirits forum and posting a couple of reviews on my Tumblr account. Then I watched Raging Bull and finished Life On Mars series one.  Yes an easy day that was. There's lifting to be done tomorrow though as mum is having more carpets and Lino fitted, so I will get a sweat on. There's just time to read before bed and all is well. I'm looking forward to seeing my little baby on Wednesday and very excited about him sleeping over on Saturday. I will have my hands full. 
You know I sometimes wonder how similar I am to others who read this. People who visit this blog are from Singapore and Italy believe it or not and I wonder if they can take anything from reading my normal carryings on and find similarities in their lives. I think we all feel disassociated from the world now and again but  I also think I am hard on myself. I craved a drink again today. I should correct that. I craved being almost alcoholic and being at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey because of the performance that would dance in my head. I often fantasise that I am spoke about as a troubled poet type who has his own demons to fight. 
I sit in bed here as a man who has left his marriage and not yet settled into his own place. Being at my mums for the next few weeks is like having stabilisers on a bike. I can go fast and be safe at the moment but what will happen when those are taken off. Will I freewheel into the path of oncoming cars or learn to be a cyclist who rides safely. I guess only time will tell. A little self destruction is good for the soul. 
Ok. Until tomorrow, goodnight. CW.

Whilst filling up my van with diesel today I decided that the wait for it to fill the tank up was too long. I know it makes sense to come out slow but when you top speed should be faster. I stand leaning against the van and read all the instructions which I ignore,
"report any spillage, no matter how small" or "turn off all mobile phones".
I almost get cramp with it taking so long. 
I then read the gift you can buy for a small price that's usually in a neat black travel pack. A torch I can understand being something useful but it's when it's a magnifying glass that clips onto glasses for map reading or something I've never heard of like 'eyebrow straighteners'. And dont you find that All travel sized things are just basically normal things made 'too small' ?.  I borrowed a travel iron which made ironing my shirt seem like ironing a double duvet. Is this where wearing shorts and T shirts on our holidays came from? Did we just start taking 'travel shorts and shirts?' which are just small at the end of the day. And those socks that only reach your below your ankle, what's all that about??

10:30am I'm sat in the cinema awaiting 'Rango' to start. There is less than half a dozen people waiting with me. My unlimited pass is now broken in. Let's see if I can indeed watch four films in a row. I started the day with a Mcdonalds breakfast to sustain my viewing. I'm looking forward to this excess. 
Rango was enjoyable and then a quick pint followed by I Am Number Four, then a coffee and finally The Adjustment Bureau. I had back ache from the few positions I could sit in. 
It's not likely I will do that again because I ache. 
But it's something I won't forget.

Today I took my son to Tropical World at Leeds. I let him run wild and even meander at times to mess about. He loved it all, it was very enjoyable to do and it was cheap. Then after calling at Bradford for a potty and toilet seat we went back to mums. She was still away so we had lunch and watched tv. I returned him to find my friends visiting my ex. It was no problem, just unconventional. My friend picked me up an hour later and we joined a group of friends out in bingley for a birthday. Three pints were consumed and a weird thing occurred. I was spoken to by two of birthday girls friends who never speak to me. Fifteen years ago I would've been a bit of a cock with them in my search for a wife and it seemed to have left a stain over the years and they since kept their distance, until tonight. However on tonights analysis it would appear that they would meet me for drinks in Silsden or Skipton. I felt good because these were people I thought hated me but both sides seemed pretty excited about having a beer with the other. 
These are strange times and there's no way of predicting how things work out. This having no rules to adhere to is fantastic. Marriage just isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Cinema tomorrow.

My ex used to be dyed blond but today she was a very dark brown and resembled my step daughter. This is a very common reaction to a break up. I did something similar, I joined 'movies unlimited' so that I can watch as many films as I wish at the cinema  for £13 a month. I will go on Sunday, maybe even walk out of one and into another. This is the life I desired and I shall pursue it. I feel as though I am swimming against the tide. As I watch this film about prisoners I see that I am going to share a similar fate. Alone in a small room for hours on end. This is a punishment and yet I choose to be like that. Although who knows what the future will bring. I can say that I am happy though without any hesitation and I hope my ex is too. My close mate's wife is going to go round to see my ex as a friend tomorrow as my mate and I go meet up with other friends. I hope all is well.

Well I've been to a different kind of evening to what I'm used  to tonight. There's a pub called Dick Hudsons near us which my Mum and husband were invited to a re opening of as VIP guests. It officially opens tomorrow night but we sampled freebies from the new menu and looked around the newly decorated dining area. I had a few things I'd never had before. It started with breads and an oil dip. That was on top of my champagne. Then scallops, fish, chips and mushy peas in a roll up. Beef and cheese hot sandwich followed by venison. Prawn in oil. Sausage kebab and puddings with firstly half a pint of golden best and then half a pint of landlord bitter. Add a little conversation and I really enjoyed it. We got home at 10:15 and I started Halo 3 again briefly until tiredness got the better of me. These past three evenings I have ended up in bed reading 'Sacrement' by Clive Barker, my favourite author. I was awake from 3:30 am so I'm tired now. I did have bad news today as I was told that my house would not be completed until March 29th. So I'm still at mums for a month. Getting annoyed won't make it easier though. 

I picked my son up and he chose to go to feed the ducks in the park. We walked towards the ducks and declared he needed a wee. The boathouse was closed. We walked to the museum and that too was closed. I took him to a secluded corner and he would not do it outside. So I rushed in the van to the nearest Mcdonalds but he had already done it. I said calmly that it didn't matter as his bag had a change of clothes in it. So he got changed and I bought him a happy meal and a doughnut. He ate the chips only. I didn't really have time to take him back to my mums so I set off somewhere local and he fell asleep even with me prodding him. I tried to awaken him in a pub car park near his mums but he was in a mood. I rang up to drop him off early and that was ok. 
I then took my step daughter to my mums where my niece had been also brought. They had two hours together and mum was also able to see them both. Then I returned my step daughter home. I spent an hour and a half writing a summary of my night at Bolling Hall and when I tried to submit it, it disappeared and I had lost it. I went to bed disappointed but not angry. Shit happens. Learn from it.

I enjoyed my tea tonight cooked by my Aunt and Uncle. They live in a bubble from the rest of the world. Unfortunately in this bubble the oxygen seems to have all but gone and this has had some effect on their brains. It's a little like walking back in time and going into the tv programme Terry and June. She cooks and he works in the garden. Neither of them work anymore so there's little contact with people of today's world and so the world today seems a scary place to live in to them. They always make me feel special though and that it something that makes me go back. That sounds a bit shallow, I don't mean just that. There's family who you keep in contact with and family that you don't. I dread the time one of them.. You know.. Goes. 
Spring seemed to have shown it's face again this afternoon. Music sounded better and everything felt optimistic as the fresh air flooded into my lungs. I am so looking forward to shutting a door against the world and disappearing for hours or days on end. The Great And Secret Show will be performed for me behind those doors and maybe a little madness of my own will be  the order of the day. 

I can feel the metaphysical skin dropping off me in rotten pieces. With each day a clump of who I had become slips off and away for good. I am on a journey that I feel destiny is dictating. If any of you believe in such a thing as gut feelings then that is what I am following. With each passing day there is another sign to be gleaned from music on the radio or a scenario being played out on the tv that seems to speak only to me. I guess it feels like The Trueman Show and everyone else is just an extra. There is some little corner of this story that I have a role in and it's still to be played out. I stand alone, but grow with inner strength which makes me resolute to follow a predetermined path to , I know not where.
I'm afraid there may be more pretentious bollocks such as what I have just written, to follow. I feel I have been let off my horse tethers to roam free. And just like a horse in a field, sometimes I will be looking at the stars in the sky and other times I will be looking at the horse shit I just trod in.