I have had a wonderful two days with my son, so why is it that I'm sat feeling sad. Is it because he reminds me that I'm not with him? No, if I was there I would be so so miserable. Infect there would be a row no doubt. This way that doesn't happen but I still feel sad. There are issues to work through but this isn't the time. I guess it doesn't help that I'm having a drink, playing music loud and relaxing to the will of my brains. I have to tread extremely carefully with my emotions and my mental state. I don't want to slip into self pity as I've been there before. Surely it's ok to cry when leaving a marriage and my son behind. But I daren't. 
I saw two girls that I would class as beautiful today. The thing about that, that I noticed was that they were about seventeen years my junior so not only would I have fuck all in common with them, my age would prohibit having the energy or desire to 'keep up' with their zest for life. In other words, although there are girls out there who I would like to be with (which shows there is still a small part of me which has not given up), they are not possibilities so therefore there is no point even bothering. Love just will jot happen for me and I scratch my head at how it could possibly happen for anyone. 
I think it's just me a lot of the time, I am 'impossible' to be around. 
I just feel like a square peg in a round hole. I think my son and I should buy an island together in the dream sea and spend eternity playing. Although in that case I think my happiness would  annoy him as I would forever cuddle him and tell him I loved him all the time, like I do now.