I want to clarify.
I will never do drugs again but like Bill Hicks said " I didn't harm anyone and I had a good time"

I apologise in advance for my failings BUT..... If you know me... And you find me in someway disagreeable then never have anything to do with me. 
You are not welcome in my life. I have taken drugs and cut my flesh with a razor and been thousands of pounds in debt. I regret doing it completely, it was stupid. If that offends you, then you don't realise the pain it has caused me and yet in many ways these experiences are  my strengths now. 
I'm not perfect but that is the point. I love friends but I don't have many. We may as well ready ourselves for stories of excess as regarding drug use as that's what's coming. Not current use by the way, but it was a phase I went through (and lament the loss of). 
If you are reading this and are not  meant to then it serves you right. STOP.reading if you know me well. 


I loved doing drugs. I have never had better times. Not close. 
Plus It was better and cheaper than drinking mucky beer. Hangovers were a thing of the past. In the good days I could get pissed for £30 or spend £2.50 for acid and have 8 hours listening to 'The Orb' and loving life. 

11:19pm now and I have put on 'Assassin' (live) like I used to after two hours in TheFleece pub in Cullingworth.  Those evenings chewing acid whilst watching Barrymore on ITV were the best days of my life. The drug isn't addictive in itself bur it's so good that you would like to do it again. I have not touched drugs for about seven Years at a guess. 
If you have read so far then you enter the world of honesty which I started this Blog for. If you think you should not read further, then don't. 

But anyone else, I will see you on the flip side.

I came home to find my bath in the backyard. Luckily a new one had replaced it but was unusable until tomorrow. I will survive until then. The plumber returned to do a bit more so I went straight into Tiger Woods 11. I have to get some practice as I lost yesterday. I was graceful in defeat but know I want revenge. 36 holes later I tried to watch PS3 Lovefilm but it was still giving me trouble. Then I rang the Internet and Lovefilm pixies and I was surprised that it sprang to life fairly pain free. So then I watched 'Frozen'. 
The weather is meant to get hot towards the weekend........ Whoa whoa whoa... I always say that people who talk about the weather have run out of things to say... And that was true then so I'm out of here. 

Whilst having a bath I noticed the Matey bubble bath which my son had received as a present and lamented the day when I grew out of bubble bath. My point is.. That I didn't. Who has. Yet grandmas stop buying you it. I mean, I buy my own bubblebath now. I'm not too grown up now and demand a boring non tainted water for my bathing. Bubbles themselves are one of the great universal clues to everything. Take the bubble, in it's perfectly formed shape. Much like our earth which at a glance seems like a sphere, it is in fact not smooth. The bubble will also have defects under close scrutiny. Nothing is perfect. Is that not God's will? Only God is perfect( says God, bighead. Vanity not a sin then?).
Have I not told thou already that everything is shit is some way. Am I not also I messenger from God? Does my stomach also not seem to be coming more sphere like? My one day balding head will be another reminder of the sanctity of the bubble.
Lad
Last but not least....
There was a time when I took LSD. ....get over it... and I documented on paler the process that being under the Influence had on thoughts. I struggled to finish one thought, or written sentence, before one thought was over taken by another one replacing it. In never ending circles. The circle of life and repetition was a loud message from my drug addled mind and the circle was hailed as the answer to our existence. The circle is the symbol of everything repeating and repeating. We are here and reproduce our own kind. Time was before and will be after. Our lives are governed by routine and repetition. 
My friends... I give you... The bubble. 

What does it prove?? Nothing..... Another large circle 0. 

Spent the afternoon with a mate playing Modern Warfare 2. Very enjoyable. Just two players in a vast landscape seeking each other out to kill the other first. Then, a change of gear, Tiger Woods Golf 2011 which always takes me back to the 90's when i played golf on the megadrive with Dan. Its great playing the golf with the electronic birdsong from the tv and a window open for the real fresh air. a good relaxed chat made for a great hour or so and so too it did today. 36 holes which were evenly matcheduntil i messed up and ultimately couldn't get my game back and so lost by 7. My PS3 lovefilm continues to be awfully slow, rendering it unusable. It makes me think that the broadband companies slowly turn down your bandwidth until you have just enough. I am here trying to not spend money and there's always something i think would improve my home entertainment.

Whilst watching 'Knocked Up' I was forced to listen intently to a monologue where the husband of a couple lies to go out and do stuff he likes such as just go to the cinema alone. His wife thinks he is sleeping around and then says she is more upset that he is sneaking around doing innocent shit. He says it's because she stops him doing what he enjoys. She says she would've gone to the cinema if he had only asked and not snuck off to do it. Anyway, it was all too familiar, excepting that I never got to that scenario, I just left. On the one hand it made me feel like a bad person but on the other it helped me see that I was right because I am that person for better or worse. I was going to he a let down in the long run and my ex is better off without me. The whole film is worryingly accurate for me. Half of me wants to be truly myself which involves living alone and saying accepting my bad points and the other half wants to be a good father devoted only to my boy.I feel I got a slap on the wrist from a film. At least it also Showed my actions were right for all. 

The coffees which had fuelled my day decided to reawaken me at 2:30am. I refused to do anything other than lay and wait for the effects to pass. The previous days events twirled repeatedly in my mind. I must have gone to sleep as I was awoken by a beep. Every ten minutes a singe beep would emit from my mobile in the kitchen reminding me that it was my boys birthday yesterday. I eventually writhed myself downstairs and deleted the reminder note. Then at 6:40am my phone alarm went off to awaken me for my working day. Stupid phone, doesn't it know it's a bank holiday today. I had no choice but to get up and go stop it. That woke my son up. He was grumpy after a late night. Fifteen mins later my phone alarm again. This time signifying the latest time to get up for work. Bloody hell. So at 6:55am we were up. 

My sons third birthday started off with him being at home in the morning. He doesn't like hearing either myself or his mum on the phone to him so I just waited to see him in the afternoon. But his mum text my accusing me of being a twat and not ringing him. If he was older I would understand but I didn't think it overly necessary when I was picking him up and having him overnight. But I rang straight away and he got upset and refused to talk to me and wouldn't say goodbye. I think my ex had a point but my son proved me right in being annoyed. It just made me feel guilty and shitty twice. 
My little boy got lots of good stuff for his birthday. 
My ex tried to grump further with me but I didn't know what the problem was really so I just tried to be polite. She sped off. You can't do right by your exs so it's not worth even thinking about. I do try to do everything right but then the other person will choose for you to have done something wrong. When all is said and done we barely say a crossed word so I can't really complain. My strongest ammunition is my indifference, I learnt that from my dad. 
Today I held in my hands an iPod 2. It felt at home. I felt happy. But I can't afford one yet. It will wait won't it. There are more important things to spend money on....although none spring to mind. 

A slow slow day at work. It didn't really qualify for being called work today it was more just 'Stand'. Collected my little boy and we played games most of the afternoon. I intermittently fought with my sign in screen for my Blog as the new settings have locked me out. There's a way around it but it's a chore. Tiger woods '11 comes tomorrow so I look forward to starting that. I helped my little boy make some double chocolate buns today which were lovely. I can't remember how much the box of six buns cost, but I know that I can buy four muffins for £1. You can still eat cheaply today if you look carefully. I live of roasted vegetables with sausages thrown in recently. I make it one day and eat the other half the day after. Eating veg in one form or another has got to be a good thing. It just gets me how much eating free growing things actually costs. The last time I lived alone I lived on crisp sandwiches and lager. It did me no good. I think it played a crucial role in my downfall at the time. But I feel a lot more in control of my faculties lately.

A free night. Things to do. Wrap my boys birthday presents. Done. Roast vegetables and mix with chopped beefburger and eaten. Done. I was going to write my sons birthday card and I imagined the message that I would write within it's fold. "to my gorgeous boy... No... To my darling son..." as I just imagined the message I had to hold back from crying. His importance to me is my Kryptonite. I weaken when I express my deep love for him. I didn't write the card. All our lives are personal painting palette and each individual experience is a colour on the palette. Each person collects the colours which represent marriage, divorce, loss or some other strong emotion. I should include positive emotions but we all know that they are just shit experiences waiting to happen. With our colours we mix some together and create personal shades which become our personalities. I am lucky to have not yet collected the upsetting death shade. Also I have avoided the terrible illness. But my love for my son makes my brain see horrible outcomes at every turn. He only has to be out of my sight for a couple of minutes and I imagine that he is about to come to harm. Then when I don't have him I feel really out of control. In fact I am walking a tightrope between missing him and losing myself. If I have too much spare time I asphyxiate my brain in my self indulgence. If I don't have spare time I will cross continents to be alone. Our lives are canvasses onto which we paint with our collected colours. I am happy with my palette for now so I can do without any surprises. I want ten years of calm waters please.

Whilst discussing violence in films nowadays and when I was young we mentioned the films 'The Firm' and 'Scum'. Two films that were often talked about because of iconic scenes of violence and it was cool to have seen them. As for the latter, Ray Winstone's famous prison 'Daddy' role in which he beats a man with a snooker ball in a sock was a right of passage to watch before you were old enough. My work collegue gave me a fun fact. "The guy Ray beats up is Paul Daniels".  I pictured the 80's English magician in a prison bed with his bad toupee on,  turning to Ray and saying "Now That's Magic". He meant Phil Daniels. 

Whilst in the queue in the Co-Op today I waited to purchase one loaf of bread. I was fifth in line and the cashier surveyed the line up and said to the next in line, "I will just call for backup"
What does he mean by back up? It made it sound like we were all about to lynch him whilst armed only with groceries and ill will. 
I expected to see cashiers on high shelves with long range barcode readers and staff pushing towards us riot newspapers for shielding. Backup...idiot!. 

Later when I relaxed at home and had a look on Facebook, it suggested 'People you might know on Facebook-Chris Whitehouse'. What an anti climax. It made me imagine what it was like to be on the receiving end of such a message. Even I thought "oh he's a bit of a prick".
I used to joke when I was about eleven that I would make a great partner for myself. If I went out with a clone of myself I would be able to share my love of watching films and I could play two player on a games console. I'd be into all the same music and then my clone would also not want a cuddle. It was a little joke at the tome but little did I realise that I would walk away from all my relationships because they were not like me. 

My Ex lady friend told me that my son was being extremely clingy last night. He can be a little demanding with me but it sounds like he really pushes it with her. Its different when he is with me as all my effort is devoted towards him when we are together whereas she always said she found it hard to 'play' with him how he demands. I guess it helps that I am out of touch with my inner child. I guess when I have him round, i am the clingy one. Maybe he expects his mum to do the same. What I mean is that I spoil him and it causes her trouble. When kids are demanding too much there's only one way out and that's to ignore bad behaviour until they calm down. I have needed to leave his bedroom and go downstairs while he screams at me. But minutes later he will stop creating and come and apologise. It works for me anyway. 

I have a new concern now. I have started to worry about a yellowing of my teeth. I brush three times a day generally out of routine. However I have typical wonky English mans teeth. I don't floss. But I am going to start. I also eat a huge amount of crisps, generally cheese flavoured. Add to this a coffee habit and you end up with what's known as 'Pirate Mouth'.  Now it's all good fun when I play pirates with my son but it would be nice to have 'Jesus Teeth' upon the game finishing. 
On top of that.... I have one eyebrow hair which doesn't belong amongst the others. I have picked it out over the last ten years to rediscover it standing proud like an adult stood in a baby pool. It reigns over the thinner hairs like a cruel dictator until I pull it from it's place. Why do I have one wrong hair there? 
I also had one on my chest which was alien to it's friends. I think they are from a different person.  Perhaps this is my next incarnation coming too soon. A stronger taller much improved version I hope. A good looking one too would be nice. I  have lived a life of being strange looking. I should be thankful though that it's just hairs which are wrongly located. What if I had the face of a Picasso painting. It's amazing how the features of a face locate properly from a goo. Why don't we see people with eyebrows on their chins or ears on there foreheads? 
It's a clever thing you've done oh Lord but you didn't get mine 100% right did you.. Fuckwit.

"I like my pessimism, it helps me deal with my inevitable failure". That is an excerpt from my diary from 2007. It makes me smile. It sums up who I am most of the time. But I enjoy my failings these days for what they are, quirks. I found myself writing in a book which I started in 1994 in my first house as I lived alone. My hopes and fears written in biro in an ever growing folder which I keep rediscovering and adding to. This is a life diary not a year diary. One book to span the rest of my evolution, or devolution, as maybe more apt. It sounds a little odd but I am looking forward to my living room being decorated so that I can buy a writing desk for a corner of my living room where I can start work once again on 'My Life Story'. I used to put a lot of effort into that when I lived alone as a twenty one year old. I have written and drawn my life from birth until 1995. This is contained in three volumes so far and when I moved in with the girlfriend who be become my wife, I had to stop doing it. But I knew if I ended up single again that I would push on with with relish. I have almost been here for two months and as things start to settle down for me, the urge to jump into my last fifteen years re emerges. I am self obsessed it is true. But I find myself such a puzzle. I never really know what is around the next corner. The point of my Blog from your perspective is not to be interested in my life but if I put open myself up here, then maybe you will identify with some aspects and take comfort that it isn't just you who feels like you do. I hope to open up more but need more encouragement. That will come when my reading figures rise to what they were in November of last year. For whatever reason I had about 25 readers a day. This week I am lucky to get 10 a day. So add yourself as a 'Follower' if you want me to divulge personal comic tragedy. We haven't really heard my embarrassing tales, of which I have many. 

After yesterdays cinema day i haven't had the TV on for myself, but my lad did. He has started to watch The Cat In The Hat Knows A Lot About That and will watch them repeatedly. I took my stepkids to the local pub for a couple of hours and enjoyed talking about stuff. My stepdaughter is excited about me taking her to watch Insidious at the cinema but she will be very scared. Its difficult keeping on the right side of teenagers but that helped. I picked up another follower on Tumblr this morning which always puts a spring in my step. Today I am writing my Blog on my laptop which is not as good as my Ipod for correctly adjusting my spelling etc. I enjoy typing on the large keyboard but here when i write 'i' it doesn't automatically put it in capitals or put in apostrophies. The only answer is an Ipad 2 but luckily when i have been in a frivolous mood, the shops have had none in.
My bathroom gets replaced this week and i'm told that it could be near three weeks work. I dont much relish the thought of some stranger walking amongst my belongings but i trust my landlord trusts the bloke and thefore i will trust his judgement. It will be great for me when its finished though. The plaster dust chokes me each evening whilst the walls await papering and painting but it will look really homely once complete and i'm told that you can't make an omlette without braking some eggs. What the hell that has to do with decorating i don't understand. Just because there is a saying doesnt mean that it has any place in conversation.
There is the saying that "Many hands make light work" but also "Too many cooks spoil the broth". You can't win with these sayings as there seems to be one for every occasion now.
Another early night is slipping away from me so i had better head up very soon to read. My intension was to go straight to bed and read for an hour but already i sit typing this nonsense instead. Another slow day tomorrow i expect until the evening when i am free to indulge in what i please. I am in positive spirits these days and managing to keep on top of my demons for now. I do wonder if its because i am not listening to as much music. i think music can really affect my moods profoundly and set me off for the evening. I am stuck in a cycle of podcasts for the time being. They actually assisted me in the downfall of my marraige as it was frowned upon that i listened to them. Being told not to do everything became the norm and yet the podcasts cheered me up when i was lost in them. Its a sign of getting older when you just listen to people talk and not the music anymore. right....bed.

I was up earlier than my body wanted this morning to watch my first film on film Sunday. 'Hot Rod' a personal favourite. Then I collected my friend from work's son who is more of a movie nut than myself. He joined the Cineworld unlimited deal too and do we drove down together and reconvened eight hours later to go home. I watched 'Pirates 4' then 'Win Win' then 'Thor'. So then I fired off my film reviews to my little Tumblr site. Throwing some food in the oven I listened to Adam and Joe from yesterday on 6Music. Today I didn't ache from the seating which I was surprised about. A couple of beers could well push me onto Black Ops online later. 

Today on my new Netlog account I had a private message from a Russian dating website. News must've spread to Russia that I am single. I assume that they send you a large Russian lady with a smaller lady inside and then a smaller one inside her. You keep down sizing until you reach the one you like. Good idea. 
I was going to make a buns with my son bus I needed an egg. We walked to the shop which, as of tonight is under going a refurb. Most of the shop was being packed up and the only egg boxes left contained twelve eggs. I don't buy eggs so I couldn't lumber myself with twelve. My son  took the news well for a two year old and settled for going to the park to point at every stray dog poo on our journey. 

Well another evening online shooting soldiers draws to a close. My son is wrapped up in bed and I have changed the sheets on my bed so I won't sleep right. I hate crisp sheets, I sleep better on a dirty bed strangely. Joined Netlog the other day, I'm not too sure what it is so I presume it's another social network idea. I collected two parcels from the post office today. As I was not in they didn't drop it at the post office one minute away from my door. No they took it to Keighley sorting office where it closes at two pm so I had to wait until today to collect when I finished work early. There were loads of signs up about not attacking the staff or being abusive and having the police called. It seems everyone thinks the set up is stupid then. It's been I really expensive month this month with paying debt to ex and three family birthdays. Luckily I have all I need to please me. 

Yesterday I watched three films in a row on lovefilm online on PS3. Then onto Black Ops online till bedtime. It's a great life.
The weekend arrives today and I have my son until late on Saturday night to attend a joint birthday celebration for my older brothers. My stepson will be coming too which I'm glad about. If I had more seats in my vehicle I would see more of him but i have a van. I'm not complaining for a minute, it's just an observation. 
There will be the usual game of playing Sea Monsters with my son for far longer than you would think is possible. But I don't want to push tv watching on my son too much. I would rather we played with toys or painted etc. I spend too much time in front of a screen and I don't want that for him. 

My boy was watching 'Whats New Scooby Doo?', the updated and inferior Scooby Doo series. I overheard Daphne say "I'll use my wireless Internet connection, to find out". This sounded daft to he modernised in such a way. The whole point of the original was to use bare bones Investigative work to discover the villian. Using the Internet whilst they all sat in an office would be dull. Will Shaggy be pulling out his iPhone and taking a photo of the ghost in front of him or will Scooby Doo be like Yvette Fielding.

I arrived home to prepare my raw components of tea and threw it in the oven. I sat down to play Call Of Duty online. Ahhhh bliss. I was online for three hours before enough was enough. Then I watched 'Meet The Robinsons'. I must've said it before but I Will Never Give This Lifestyle Up Again. I find myself staying up until near midnight each night to get the most out of my freedom. Believe it or not In my previous incarnation I was told when I should be going to bed. But tiredness is catching up and an early night will surely happen soon. 
.......well that early night I spoke of has made me more tired. My mind still wanted to play COD and so took to dreaming about it instead.  I awoke to find myself on the empty half of the double bed which is usually bereft of body heat. When my alarm went off my outreached hand failed to find the side of the bed. I think I had been tussling with army infantry in my sleep(not in that way) and had wound up in no mans land( not in that way). 

Hanna surprised me. Not only did it have two people with stupidly spelt names, Saoirse Ronan and Cate Blanchett are pitted against each other after Blanchett learns that Eric Bana and his daughter Ronan have resurfaced from hiding and must be killed. 
There is abnormal DNA at work here as a way to explain how this little sheltered girl is in fact  a killing machine. It is originally done though and feels otherworldly in it's approach. There are multiple language subtitles and a strange tie in to The Brothers Grimm.  Just an unusual film, but a good one. Hanna is convincing most of the time apart from grabbing hold of a jeep underneath out of a hole in the desert. With an unsuspecting family of Brits met along the way, there are some odd characters all thrown into the mix. 
This us a fresh take on the assassin movie. Should do better than it will.

I was greeted at work by a parking fine. I had taken my two year old to Toys R Us to pick out presents. I had spent 90 minutes letting my boy take as long as he wanted and all the while I hadn't a ticket because I didn't realise that this one was pay and display. If I didn't pay the money by Thursday it would cost me £110. Doesn't that seem too high a price for something so small. Surely paying double the parking ticket price would suffice. 
So I rang the store and said I would never return. They said it wasn't their car park but I said it reflects on their store in the minds of their shoppers who get fined. There was nothing I could do but moan.

I dropped off my wonderful son after we had been submerged in a land of dinosaurs and pirates all morning. I went to the cinema to see 'Attack The Block' and 'Hanna'. I am just enjoying a post first film Mochacino. The cafe is in the bowling alley area as well as the amusements and so there are lots of random music and noises trying to jockey for position. I imagine you go home with a headache if you work here. Is it unfair to say that the clientele that amusement arcades draw in are all slightly poor scum? I'm not saying I have not put money in these places myself, but never the basketball hoop machines or the ride on motorbike games that seem to be occupying the couple in front of me. buy an X Box if you have so much money that you think £1 for thirty seconds is value. 
I was meant to be bringing a friends twenty year old son this week but it will be next week now. Someone else who watches film after film and then reviews (far far better than I can)the films on his website. I started my slow cooker off today with a vegetable stew recipe so I hope that has come out ok. I have a lot of tidying up to do later since our games kinda threw up a lot of fun residue. 

I collected my son at 11am when I was supposed to get him at 4pm but it was fine. We hung around at my mums watching my sons new favourite film 'Peter Pan'. Then we went to play at mine after my dog watching duties were complete. I am tired from two nights in an unfamiliar bed and little sleep. My boy has gone to bed ok although I can still here him growling every now and then as he does when awake. I have placed a few orders online for his 3rd birthday presents which will be cool. It's a busy month for birthdays as both my brothers are having theirs too. Wow only ten pm and I think I will go to bed very soon too. 

Blogspot has been down over a day but I'm glad to see it has bounced back. Yesterday I showed Pennine Paranormal my footage and then hotfooted it to Mums house for 10PM to watch house. My Sis and her friend were actually still getting dressed etc to go out to Bingley. I questioned that surely it would be last orders practically. I was assured that Bingley was open for cheap drinks until 2 am. Well it seemed new to me but sister and mate went out after 11pm and got back god knows when. They woke me up trying to be quiet. I didn't sleep at all well in a strange bed anyway. I was glad that my life contained me going to bed at a reasonable hour, ghost hunting excluded. We all need to conquer that feeling having to get 'going out' out of our system. I'm 36 now and going out is of little Consequence now. But my sister still has her decade of decadence to get through first. 
This mornings work session seems a long way away. I had some people come to mine again tonight to look at footage. It's really weird that any people have embraced my ghost team as a part of their weekend. I need a break for a week or so though as I'm burning out. 

To follow on from yesterday, here is another memory from the early 90's. I would watch Twin Peaks on my portable tv in my room. It was a frustrating programme but I liked the otherworldly tone of secrets and the almost supernatural. I was in a frame of mind to make me want to leave a secret of my own in this house for someone else to discover. I pulled up the carpet in a corner of my room with the thought of sawing through a piece of board to make a hiding place for something like a piece of writing etc. 
It would Mark me out as having been mysterious and people would be fascinated in my story when it was found. 
I hoped.
Ten years maybe previously to this, my Aunt and Uncle had left a package in a newly built wall of their house. It contained our three names and a coin of every denomination of that time. The idea of this being discovered was very interesting to me and later when I was 24 I managed to do something similar. 
1998. I had a girlfriend who was really pleasant. Completely average in all respects. Whilst this meant that there wasn't really a thing wrong with her, it also meant I had no feelings towards her (it wasn't until later that I realised I always feel like that).
We had arranged a trip to Scotland in her car. We took turns to drive north stopping off at Dunfermline and then on to Oban. 
 I believe it was Dunfermline where we arrived at our Pub/Bed and Breakfast to have the few regulars stop talking and look at us when we walked in, but nothing hostile. I invited my girlfriend to join in the only piece of entertainment equipment I could see, the dart board. We created a number like 300 to start with and played. I was in charge of the scores which was wrong on two counts. 1, I am rubbish at Maths, especially when under pressure to do it in front of someone quickly. 2, I am when all is said and done ..a cheating bastard at games. 
I managed to do the first couple of subtractions ok but then I would invite her to agree with the numbers I had written. Then it came out as she said "Don't ask me, I am numerically dyslexic"
"Eh?" I said.
"I get my numbers mixed up" she stupidly told me. 
As I turned to continue doing the scores I must've smiled to myself. It didn't need me to do the Maths correctly for me to see I was losing nearly everytime I threw my darts.
So If I scored 12, I would turn and say 21, with an air of being correct. She never questioned it. As I fell further behind I decided to push her failings to a further test. If It seemed like a tricky sum to do I would just bark out a loud number and hope she didn't add up. If I maybe thought I scored 34 I would just say 47 loudly and if I struggled with the Maths I would just say a number and then rub out our scores and completely make the number totals up. 
Needless to say I won and we sat down happily. 

Sorry I have digressed. I took with me a metal tub with a letter I had written before we set off. It said where I lived and other details. It had a photo of her and I too. Also my letter said about us probably splitting up one day but this capsule was a snap shot of this moment. We drove past a few Lochs up in Scotland until I saw a section of road which seemed kind of unique and that time would probably not alter too much. Once out of the car I found a large half buried rusty metal barrel. I decided this would stand as a marker. I dug and then buried my box with a brief explanation of what was in it. "stuff" was what I said. 
I then organised large rocks into a heart shape where I had buried it. I then made an X on a road map I had as to the exact ish location of this place. I intended to go back one day in the hope of finding it and I still feel the same. BUT, I also seemed to have buried with that box my few feelings for my girlfriend. As we drove off I felt more than a little bothered that I had not done this with my true love, but I had not met her yet. The next day I still felt that I was completely empty of emotion towards her. A week later I finished with her. 
I want to go dig that box up but I worry that I would let out the feelings for her that I had accidentally buried. What then? 
Anyway I enjoyed writing that for you and feel better for exorcising those demons. 

As a teenager I had a rubix cube which I had taken all the stickers off of. I think it was to replicate the puzzle box in Hellraiser. I used to turn it's sides and believe that I had moved my life onto a different path from the one I was on. I also got to a point where I would believe it worked. If something was not great in my life I would take it out and alter the squares, making a note in my diary. Things seemed to improve in my head. 
These days I seem to be in control pretty much.  Although you could argue that last night would've been a rubix cube night. I called the black rubix cube 'A Tyrainium'. These days the chosen device is alcohol. It has the same effect. My little boy is with me overnight tonight and is currently watching his Dinosaur cartoon without blinking. I feel secure around him. I hope he feels the same.
I had not remembered the Tyrainium years until today. It must be over ten years since I had last thought about that. Thank god for my diaries otherwise my brain would be an ever deleting memory card. 

My body is slightly weary after last nights beers. I felt I had expelled the demons successfully. Today the mews came that my new bathroom will be started at the close of this month. Good news. Then it will feel even more like a home. I am feeling positive today, is my new haircut to blame? Nobody has given me a double take yet. I intend to keep it short from now on. I had put no product on it either which was very liberating. The last time I left the house without hair product on, I was 13. Then at Halloween I had my hair cut into the spiked style. It was on the night of Halloween that a bigger boy broke an egg onto my new bonce, cementing not only my hair but this memory into place forever. It was the older brother of Josephine Hammond, who was the new hottie in my class and was also new to the village. I remember not long after that there was a rumour that she had been defiled by a boy at our school. Looking back I hope it was false. 13 is way too young.
The eggy head did not perturb me from my door knocking and I went home that evening and vigorously brushed my hair to see orange dust defending onto the floor. 
It's strange what you don't forget. 

My new haircut is atop my head. Just one step to acceptance that my head is decaying. I have an aching wrist, knee and shoulder, in short I am getting old. 36?? Old?? Maybe not old...but tell my limbs that. At least playing the new Beastie Boys album in some ways makes me feel young.
I needed a pint just now to balance my mind. I had just just explained to you now in blog form the reason but then I deleted it by mistake. Now the moments passed. 

Watching a documentary about the making Primal Scream's Screamadelica, it reminded me that I am here, in my current surroundings, to be creative, to expelling demons through art. Words, paint or pen. 
But as it goes, at this moment, a pint to settle my feelings has decended  into  the forth pint and a disco for one. I still like to party in my own way.
Later...moved onto Polyphonic Spree now just to take the edge off. The music wraps it's arms around me and whispers "it's all going to be ok". 
This rebirth makes me not recognise myself. I am scared from time to time that people around me are watching me slowly spin out of orbit whilst I think I have found some enlightened path. For Gods sake please help me if you see my doom approaching. 

Infact no, I reclaim authority. And I tell you that even if it seems wrong I tell you this...thou shall think for yourselves. 
Be who you are. 
Accept the skin you're in. 
Fuck em all for not being like you.

Now I'm happy. The Internet is updating my PS3 as my laptop is uploading pics to ghost website and I sit writing my Blog on my IPod touch. With all this electricity surrounding me my brain must be frying in it's own juices. But people will say "it's what he would've wanted..." but of course they would be wrong. To die a nice peaceful death would be preferable in fact no, I choose not to die at all please. 
I took my son to toys r us to hunt for potential birthday present possibilities. It turns out he wants everything. He picked everything up, "I Want Dat" he kept saying.."You buy it". He sounded like a comedy foreigner. "You buy it Mr. Chris" no I made that up. 

God I cannot wait to have Internet tomorrow. 
But for today... Well I awoke at ten pm after doing a ghosthunt while meeting Pennine Paranormal outside The Sun at Haworth. They had only set up an investigation of two graveyards. Whilst it actually brought results which I was surprised by, I felt that this bloke and two girls in their early twenties was a poor turn out and not as well organised as I'd expected. 
I stepped in as he apologised and took us all back to a different location which did glean results.
The two girls and the leader of the other team left that evening really excited about what I viewed as very little. 
Hopefully that is my feet under their table. 

On Sunday I went to the cinema to watch 'Insidious' and the 'The Fast And The Furious Five'. I enjoyed myself a lot. 
Then I finished watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' series 5, whilst roasting my veg for tea. A pleasant evening thus far. 

Played games with my son after work. We were both very tired by about seven so tv took over. There was an incident on my OI website. My tech friend from WYPG commented on validity of ghost photos from a member of our website and there was a subdued heated debate. One of these people I would back up and the other I wouldn't. I should just allow this to happen as I'm not involved but I felt I should apologise for the slight agitation of both parties. 
I looked forward to a programme showing my favourite band performances from 1991. I cringed through 98% of it. How come everything seemed cool at the time? Does anything in life turn out to be as hood as the promise?...I'm still waiting. Let down after letdown.Except having a child, that exceeded my expectation to a point I can barely handle. I feel disillusioned. Still I have found a level of happiness that I thought would take a lot longer to materialise.  

After being at work for thirteen hours my right knee ached with standing up all day. My knees and wrists seem to be particularly week. Add to that a shoulder which hurts every day and it means that at thirty six my body is going to hurt from now on. It's a good job that I enjoy myself the most when sitting down and staying still to watch films. Surely God would have built a sturdier frame for his sentient beings. And going bald at thirty six? What's all that about?. At least I have done with womenkind for good as it would make it an issue that would drive me crazy. If single, bald and in pain is what the good lord has planned for me... Then he's a twat. 

I have discovered that my hair line is retreating beneath my 'disguise fringe'. I am aware that this started years ago but it seems to be snowballing in speed the more I don't look at it. So now I am watching it like a hawk. This way it will appear slow. It is time to bring in the slight shorter haircut to blend in the hair loss. As it goes these days my 'Disguise Fringe' only works outside when there is absolutely no breeze. If my hair moves outside then it looks dreadful. With less hair on top there will be more wrinkles on show also. This is a very real problem, but it's unavoidable. I shall be on bald watch from now and I am considering putting a magic marker dot where the hair has retreated to and looking back every six months to watch the dot appear to creep forward from my hair line. I have a healthy patch in the dead centre reminding me of hair lines past. My hair line is that of the Florida coast line. 

In the morning a friend sent me a text about a new Paranormal Group in my locale. Pennine Paranormal investigations use only scientific instruments to determine abnormalities in the location. I sent an eager e mail to the leader who wrote back. By the close of the day I had gained free entry to Saturday nights investigation of The Sun pub in Haworth. I am taking a friend out of our group with me. I am looking forward to it and hope that a friendship is made between our two factions. Only four weeks until Hack Green trip. It's all going rather well. 
My broadband router apparently called at my house yesterday frustratingly. Since I have a job I was out and it was taken on a car ride for the evening. It left me a note to ring and rearrange delivery but it wouldn't answer it's phone. So most likely it has called for again today and then gone for a second drive. Maybe I will have my Internet by the weekend after all.    

I finished typing up the text for April 9th investigation. It's quite draining listening to the same footage over and again. That is until you catch something strange.
The sun continues to spread along the Yorkshire landscape....probably following the fires on the moorland at Ogden Water. The heat had started a blaze on the hillside as I walked around the reservoir. A helecopter hovered over the water filling up a barrel and then flew over the blazing moor top. 
The moors were on fire for three days. 

The investigation at Cavendish Court went ok. As usual the mediums brought very little in the way of answers. I'm disappointed with their results. The energies that used my equipment were interesting but too brief. A highlight was a huge wooden table which I struggled to move alone, tipped onto two legs like it was light as a feather. My Gauss metre rose up as something passed next to it. Plus I have lights only in the corner where activity happened. But ultimately I was frustrated at not being able to get more evidence. 
I have uncertainties about the involvement of a couple of people who attend my evenings. I will assess it further. 
Work again tomorrow, which means I will have access to neighbours Internet, which will see me through until I get mine.