A new weeks daylight tried to wake me but failed. It was up to my clock radio to raise me from my slumber. It had been an early evening to bed in order to watch 'Carnivale' on my portable DVD player. But as soon as I sat in bed my eyes wanted sleep only. 
Damn those eyes for being in charge. 
I had to arrive at work one hour early so as to accumulate time towards dropping my son at nursery midweek. A had a long printing run on so I could take my time to wake up. By mid morning my reading of 'Empire' was proving difficult though as my mind was full of conversations that I wasn't really having. 
The most obvious topic was justifying my reasons for my marriage breakdown. In my mind I was answering to my son when he was older and that led to me also explaining to friends and family members. That evolved into hearing my friends talk between themselves about my bad points and how I'm basically full of shit and deluded as to the reasons why I do things. 
But this was all   invented by me so had no relevance. It's been going on for six hours now and so I thought if I wrote it down it might evaporate but I doubt it will. 

The catalyst may have been dropping my three year old off yesterday. He clung onto my neck and wouldnt relinquish his hold in return for his mum. It made me feel absolutely terrible. To my son it probably meant nothing more than he was tired. But to me and my overactive mind it was like a bomb. Guilt flooded into my mind as we prized him off me. I left and heard him calling 'Daddy' as I shut the door. 
I will pick him up again tonight and he will be all smiles I'm sure. I need to see that to reset the guilt button.