My Christmas Day started with waking up alone and going downstairs to put on Black Ops 2 at 8am. The idea being that ill be playing all the people who have only just got it and that will ensure me to get the most points and progress faster. I played for three hours before pulling myself off it and going to my mums. I was there before midday and the yearly guests still hadn't arrived.
Family members grew and the space in the front room became less and the anxiety that I felt also grew. As further members landed in the afternoon and I shrunk further into my chair, I began to feel tense. I feel the loneliest in crowds strangely. When I finally left and drove home, as much as I enjoy spending Christmases at my mums obviously, it felt a relief to be alone and in safe company. This scenario covers my whole life. One on one is fine with me and more than that, the worse it gets.
But it's only once a year and I'm not knocking it. I'm just sharing the anxiety with you.
But I've had a pleasent Christmas Day which was rounded off with Black Ops again. I came first as planned. Whoopee.
Tomorrow is when I collect my son and have a second family gathering with a crowd which is smaller and made of closer members of my family. That is my true Christmas Day.
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