The nightmare happened again last night. I was back in a relationship and felt conflicted and trapped. I find these dreams unfair on my ex wife to be.
In real life we have no bother but in my dreams she is at her worst, stirring up my self hatred. I awake in a cold sweat and thankfully in an empty bed. Then I feel sad that the memory of being married has led to a 'nightmare' at all.
It all seems very over the top.
But it obviously has effected my very deeply. I am still sworn off relationships as I write this almost two years after the separation but that also brings with me thoughts of being ALONE forever until death.
But when I think hard about it, it's the more peaceful option.
I couldn't bear to lose my partner and this way I don't have to.
Even I think I'm strange.
I'm always running away from life that's my problem.
Self preservation is key.
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