No hidden corners

Well today is the day. I'm usually with my son but today he's gone to Essex with his mum. I've come to Leeds to buy my son some presents towards his birthday. I got some cool stuff from Forbidden Planet. Aside from at the new roof on a part of the city, there's surprisingly little to excite me. I'm glad that there's not a load of stuff to spend money on.
I've not been in this city in ages and I barely pass through any city other than to go endlessly to the cinemas. In my first shopping centre I was greeted by a girl with a vast amount of makeup on who said "Hello there, I've got a present for you..." She said this stood in front of a stall advertising something so I was under no illusion that she had been bowled over at the mere sight of me.
"I'm not interested" I said.
Her face dropped and she said "What?" As if she really never expected that response. I walked on. I pondered her puzzled expression thinking 'what was she expecting?'
The streets were quiet due to it being nine am. I headed to the bank to get my boring bank stuff done and was greeted by a pretty girl who was to do my 'bank stuff'. I admired her prettiness and saw my own reflection off a screen over her shoulder. The two images would never go together and I wouldn't be interested if they did. But even though I don't want a girlfriend ever again, I don't feel as DETACHED as I thought I would end up feeling. It's over two years since my marriage ended and I count this as my first journey back into society properly. I've treated myself to a coffee in a chain of Costa. I write this upstairs in there now, sipping on a Mocha Latte, whatever the fuck that is. Whatever is in it, I'm sure I'm being ripped off at £2.75.

I see society as a mix of kids growing into adults, couples who will one day resent each other, couples who already resent each other and weirdos who look like they've slept on the streets all night.
On Saturdays over a decade ago I used to do this same 'sit and write' deal but accompanied by alcohol. I feel a progression that I'm not drinking beer and I'm only not with my son due to special circumstances.

I know who I am inside. There are no hidden corners anymore. I only have to see my reflection t see who I am on the outside. I slightly resent this older version staring back at me with his high hairline. I've never looked like the cool hunk I wished I'd been. But then when I was buying vouchers in River Island I looked at all the 'trendy' staff with their wacky ways and not only felt my uncool place in the world but thought they were cunts. Which helped.
Do they really know who they are underneath that makeup or hair spray?

I also realised that I knew where my happiness was to be found....... It's wherever my son is. I could be in the shittest grimy backstreet pub and if he was with me he would be a ray of brilliant light illuminating all the grot away so that I thought I was in heaven.
I look forward to this sunlit mid year so that we can make this Leeds journey together and see different stuff learning about the changing world as we went.

Anyway no more talk of him today or ill cry at his changing my life so amazingly.

I Intend to wander slightly more before I venture to foster square Bradford and buy one more figure of Band from Argos. Then I shall watch at least one film at Cineworld and head home. Then Sunday will have to be filled........ Probably with cinema again. I don't socialise like normal people since I stopped drinking. Or in fact ever ha ha.