September now. The end of this historic year is in sight. It's been sink or swim if I'm honest. I committed to the important decision and stuck to my guns. It's all plain sailing really unless I try to wallow, but I don't. Guilt rears it's head until I remember what came first, the need to get out or the constant bullshit. I still believe I made the correct decision. My life is more  productive and I am achieving more these days. If I get through the christmas season  unscathed then I will breathe a sigh of relief and be even calmer. Living alone still feels new but not odd  in anyway. I think my brain never truly lived with the family. There was always that inner fence that segregated me from the others.  Watching Big Brother on Tv made me wonder how I would handle it. I think endless hours of not mush happening would be quite an easy task.it would be the giddy social times when I was meant to show I was enjoying myself that I would freeze up. People would say I am hard to get to know. Quiet too. I would be quite interested to hear what other people saw in me though, the good and the bad. you never really see yourself how others do. 
This is the sanest part of my life to date. I am days away from two solid months of being 'clean' from alcohol or anything else. I feel an inner peace within the confines of my house. Perhaps the absurdity of that will be understood by people who have read my previous most open blog entries. It's such a strange thing, never getting feed back. 
Most days I tell myself that I will not look to see how many hits it gets. A normal day has about 5 page visits. Like I said recently, as long as one person reads it I will continue. Maybe even if no one does I will still continue. I still write a diary too and they are all for nothing really. In a way it is a vice of kinds. I need to get a fix of my own self each day to stay calm. To let time just disappear doing nothing or not noticing would be a crime. 
It just seems that other people seem to be living their lives better.