Three blogs in a day??
It must be the copious amounts of coffee I've drank/drunk. Plus the 'inspiration' factor. 
I have finished two paintings today and written stuff as well as watched 'pearl jam-20'. I was never into Pearl Jam at the time but I find many music documentaries inspiring. Other things can inspire me to put another pebble on the pile of creative rocks. 'Exit Through The Gift Shop' gave me a burst of creativity plus most recently (before today) 'Howl'. It would seem sobriety can be a good head space for artistic splatterings. Add music to the mix and I find my feelings come to the fore. This would normally lead to drink and it certainly came to mind today but it's not what I need....I think I am afraid of it a little now. Maybe I believe if I drank I would be let ting my son down. 
I took a photo of may son and I together and I saw it on my iPad today and it made me so happy that I was overcome and almost cried. I think if I was here on my own for a week with nothing to occupy me I would lose myself too deeply in my head. I've enjoyed today and it has been productive and therefore I am ready to work the next week, overtime as necessary too. I'm seeing my boy again tomorrow too which is fantastic even after having him for a day and a half this weekend. 
It's absolutely awesome being able to see him and have time alone. It's the perfect balance and so I know it will not last. Someone will alter the balance and I will look back on this time as golden. 
EVERYTHING CHANGES.

But just as we know everything changes day to day...we can do a little piece of something every so often which when viewed in the future, will add up to something monumental. I have my diaries to show for my life. I have all sorts of pieces of footage of my son which is turning into a montage of his life and he's only three. Now there is someone who will have his life documented as if he is famous, because to me, he is. 
No fucking doubt he will take it for granted because we all rebel against whatever is out on front of us. My mum has done so much for me and yet now I have come to take it for granted as part of her responsibilities as my mother. Even though I am adult enough to acknowledge this, it doesn't stop me from regressing back to an infant in her presence. 

I feel free from the trappings of life at the moment. I have created my son and so I have done all that I can to make a difference to the circle of life that Elton John sang about. When I stand before almighty God to justify my time on earth I shall present my little boy as my life's work. 
"Before he was born I was lost O Lord. After him I saw who I could be. He showed me the way to be a better person and yet also see worth on myself that I searched for from others. If he loves me then I am complete. So..for you to stand there and judge me Lord, is a bit fucking cheeky. I asked for your help for thirty years and I was forsaken. You gave me life but it was a life that was less than awe inspiring. I will go as far as to say you are fucking useless as a father figure and I don't want to be in your gang anyway. I suppose you knew I was going to say that aswell since you know every word I am going to utter. Life must be like one big repeat for you and you only have yourself to blame."

And with that he will smite me dead. 

So be it.