I'm not a loser

I think that was the last attempt at fitting in to a normal party situation.
I was invited to a little get together by a mate who I work with.
I turned up half an hour late on purpose and still found it difficult to not look out of place. I had to walk past a crowd of teenage students as they converged outside which made me feel awkward. Then my work mate was so busy with running the party that I just stood to one side with a Pepsi and looked awkward. Then as I stood alone I noticed that I was not in with the crowd of young ones and not in with the pensioner end and not in with the drinkers and my other work mate had not yet arrived.
I had two other guys talk to me and they were nut jobs.
I was desperate to leave but I was there for my mate. The band started and the lead singer approached the crowd and sang into their faces. That was my cue to leave. Two and a half hours of being a stand alone gooseberry was enough and I was glad to get home.
It doesn't help any that I don't drink but I am also a social outcast and boring when I drink. It's only an issue when I put myself in those situations though. It's my own fault for trying. I hate not being able to hear what people are saying to me due to loud music and that doesn't make me more likeable.
So I think from now on I'll avoid ''party's" because I don't enjoy them and no one seems to enjoy me being there either.
I left feeling bad about myself too which seems unfair.
Once I was home I was fine and relieved having to convince myself that I'm not a loser.