You can never truly escape you.

I finished work and hurriedly dropped off some printed leaflets for the radio station as I was eager for them to get them. I had believed that I didn't need to record a show this week due to their only being coverage for a festival the following weekend. But luckily an email with a band who want me to plug their music told me that I was a month early. But by them it was too late to cobble something together. So I shot back to the studio to mark a recording place for myself for Sunday night.
I then went to a double bill of The Chernobyl Diaries and The Five Year Engagement. The first film was average and unremarkable but the second was pretty wonderful. It in fact reminded me of Annie Hall.
It's about relationships and the planning of a wedding. Also the strain of staying together on the same path for years. It brought back a lot of memories of myself and my ex wife. Some good times along the way but also some similar arguments and cold shoulders that went on into the night. I loved the film but upon leaving to go home I felt too reflective.
It had inspired me to clean up my writing area where my laptop was and so now I've got a nice lamp lit table where I can write by pen or laptop. I drank a coffee at about 9PM and was up until 1AM.
I wrote quite a lot of film reviews though so I'm getting somewhere for the show. I am resolutely against ever being heart broken again.
As Twelve Months sobriety approaches, so does 18months of being single and I have seriously never felt so complete.
My world consists of me and my son. Everything else feels like I'm walking through thick bushes which scratch me as I go where I need to go. Speaking of which I keep having flashes of cutting my arms go through my head but it's just an old compulsion. I would never do it again. I guess the same 'dealing with my emotions' idea will always be under the surface. But drink keeps the motivation subdued.
It's annoying how I used to be mad at myself for drinking too much alcohol but now that I don't I get mad at myself for eating too many chocolate biscuits and drinking too much caffeine. It seems I will never cut myself a break entirely.

Hey...fuck it I'm Happy right and that's a bid damn miracle.