Dear The Void,
Last night as I watched Silver Linings Playbook, the film felt like it was giving new cuddle. It was like a voice telling me I was doing fine and to be proud of my recovery from the abyss.
But it came at a price.
I realised as I sat staring at the screen, that I physically would have liked a cuddle whilst being told "it's all going to be ok" .
I grew up in a family devoid of such overflowing acts of emotional support. I never knew any different until a succession of girlfriends pointed out that my family never hugged or kissed goodbye as we visited each other.
I am known as being a less than reassuring partner when it comes to affection of any kind and how often stated "I don't get anything from it and don't know what others get from it that I don't"
Cold
Living alone has massive benefits as regards happiness or rather 'lack of shit bits' which bring you down on a weekly basis.
But I suddenly remembered what it felt like to be hugged.
Now it's been two years since received such a hug and even the I wouldn't like to have probed what derogatory thoughts had gone through the givers head but nonetheless it had been nice enough..... Followed by my thought "alright get off now!"
But yes, for that moment I missed it.
I guess it made me a little sad whilst I prepared my two hot water bottles for my bed since they are used to keep me warm through the night much like a physical lady person used to.
Oh well. It's a small price to pay.
If loneliness does follow in the Christmas weeks to come then I only have to walk round Asda and listen to the men being put down by their partners to remember why I'm doing this.
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