My thoughts turned to my marriage this morning, the one which ended two and a half years ago. When I hear of people getting married I link it to 'giving up' on life and saying "well that's it now, I'm just going to sit on this couch and rot alongside you as we bicker about trivial bullshit such as who's turn it is to put the bins out". Since I became single again Ive honed my life to what I always wanted. I awoke alone in bed this morning and rolled over, not disturbing anyone and it was lovely. No early morning grunt filled conversation and no thoughts of 'wouldn't life be better if I wasn't here'.
I gave up on marriage in the end. I was content to sit and see my days through married, but luckily my wife reminded me weekly that I wasn't good at relationships. In the end I thought.. "Actually, you are right, I'm unhappy too!!!" And if she hadn't pressed home the notion constantly, I would still be there, miserable, but having 'given in' for life. With only the dream of splitting up once the kids had grown up and we had to face the facts that we had fuck all in common.
So I gave up on giving up! I chose life again, my way.
And this time I would be happy.
And a this time on I've not been sad or miserable since.
My days are filled with a lovely happy, calm, stress free existence.
If you can relate to what I'm saying then just right off the next twelve months and think, by this time in a year, I'll be totally happy. Forever. X
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