The circle of life (2013)

2:45 am. I awoke from a dream where I was walking round a library/book shop which doubled as an elderly couples lounge area and thought about my fridge being broken. I started having the phantom conversation with my landlord, asking if it was his responsibility which got my mind working so much that I had to accept that I was awake. So I'm now having a little time trying to be awake, in order to welcome sleep once more. Other things on my mind include the arrival of a Bluetooth keyboard and an Ipad stand to aid my writing. I'm excited about those coming. 

Visiting my grandma last night (who it turns out is age 93 and not as I stated,98- her sister is nearly 99), it got me taking about how fleeting the years are when your kids are just kids. My gran reflected on her days in the land army and riding a bike daily for over ten miles to wherever and back without feeling a muscle ache the next day. "Our bikes were like a part of our body" she said. Then she spoke of her and my grandad visiting nearly all of our country but for some reason never getting him to take her to Edinburgh. 

I hope I get to travel with my son as he gets older. I guess my future is cloudy at the moment and I like it that way because it gives me a reason to push in and still be interested. I'm happy, but letting things happen. I guess I'm busy trying to be the best person that I can be. I hope I live into my nineties. 

That reminds me...........I got to thinking about turning 39 this year and how people will inevitably become wrapped up in asking me how I feel about approaching 40 soon. We get into a position with our age where we don't welcome our birthdays as we don't like getting older. But I realised that I hoped to have loads of birthdays if possible. I mean would I rather not reach my 40th birthday? Hell, I should embrace reaching 50, 75 and 100 surely. By 100 my son would have had his whole adult life practically and his children would be well underway with it. This must be where my grandma is in her life. Her grandchildren have children and technically could they could be parents in five years or so. The circle of life and all that. 

I should just concentrate on my fragment on this rock. Which I think these pages show, is what I do. 

How will my blog differ in ten years? Will it still exist? Jesus, will I exist? 

I suppose it's the not knowing that makes us get out if bed in the morning.