I received news that another family member died. A couple of weeks ago it was an uncle suffering from altzeimers and this week an Aunt. I have to say, an Aunt who dropped us as a family thirty years ago and who even so I invited to my wedding reception just to have one last time to see the loving family I thought I had when I was six all in the same room together. As I grew older I learnt of disagreements  and things said and not forgotten. So this puts me that strange position of attending the funeral of someone who couldn't be bothered with you and their immediate family who also doesn't give you a second thought. 
This also brings up the sick inappropriate thoughts that will emerge in my brain as I attend. As soon as I have anything to do with a funeral this joke goes through my mind,
"I put the FUN in Funeral" it just goes round and round and then my eldest brother will inevitably hum the theme from Reservoir Dogs as my two brothers and i walk along in our suits like he does every funeral. I guess it's like wanting to shout in the library. The truth is not welcome at a funeral especially when the truth is less than rosy. My mum said to me "I don't know if you'd like to ring your Uncle or ...."
"No way mum, I cannot do that I wouldn't know what to say, I would say something terrible"
She understood and believed I genuinely would fuck up.
(hi uncle I heard your wifes dead, yeah sorry about that, although when I say I'm sorry that doesn't mean I had anything to do with it. Apart from when I saw you at my wedding that I included you in by inviting you to, i guess it would've been thirty years since you visited me. Yes I've been very busy too, mostly building up hatred at family members that proved early on the couldn't actually care less what I was doing. Anyway I'll see you at the funeral but probably won't chat. Infact I'll avoid you as best as I can because I certainly won't know what to say to you in person. Right so I guess the next time I'll bump into you will be at your funeral ... Oh no ofcourse you'll be dead.) 
No I probably better not ring him Mum.