My brother was caught speeding and had the option of paying £60 or attending a speed awareness course. You get one chance at this in your speeding career and the thinking is that you learn nothing from paying money and so it's beneficial to show you why you need to slow down. Cue videos of crashes and pile ups followed by statistics. It's probably a good idea too because of the awkwardness of having to attend the course stays with you for longer than paying money. But you have to drive to the course and run the risk of being caught for speeding on the way. The one good thing that they learnt was how to tell the speed of the road you're on without signs. If there are street lights then it's a 30 and if not then it's the national speed limit. Interesting.

I met up with my family to arrange flowers for my Aunts funeral which is now on Thursday. Let me explain firstly that there was no love between my aunt and uncle, just animosity.  Each one was wanting the other to die first.
On that note we were arranging flowers and asking where the wake was etc. My mum shook her head and said my uncle was moaning about having to spend any money on catering for the family and that he would only pay for immediate family as in his two sons. So when I asked where this wake was and mum was quiet I said" it's not at there little house is it?" more silence..."I'm not going up that stairlift for a piss"
Everyone laughed and some other jokes were made. We all felt guilty but we'd kinda got the giggles which made it worse.
Now my Aunt had a good sense  of humour so we justified it that way. When writing out the card details on interflora website we had my young sister typing it in and I said " do we put lots of love?? Or do we put yours faithfully?" more giggles. My sister genuinely put "xxxxxxx" at the end and mum said "no we don't put that"
My brother chipped in " yeah Sis and don't put LOL either"

We started picking on each other then,
My sister said she didn't want a sad affair for hers.
"are you ok about fireworks?" I asked.
I don't want a funeral at all. When I hear they are about paying your last respects I just feel it's too bloody late. When you get the call that they died... Game over.
Noone wants to go to a funeral, I don't want people to see mine. 
I told my family that I wanted to be stuffed and stuck in the corner of the room in a Dracula pose, fingers pointed out and they can hang there coats on my fingers.