We had all got sloppy locking the back garage door over time. There's no access to the house and there's nothing worth stealing really but it should still be locked each time. My wife said that we should install a Yale lock in this door so that when we close it it locks. I said " I know a cheaper way... Just lock the fucking door"
She laughed and said that really hadn't occurred to her as she said that. I just saved us thirty quid. I said I am here to save her money. She wanted a new sofa the other week and I told her we already had one, I saved about £1500 that time. 
I even slowed down her looking for holidays by saying I didn't want to go. That saved a good £3000. 

Today's calendar quote says " it's never too late to have a happy childhood" how wrong is that?, when you are no longer a child it's too late right? Or am I missing something? 
I realise that they have to have 364 of these a year but I could make up better. 
It's like "you can't have your cake and eat it" I had a cake and I ate it!  Stupid meaningless quotes. 
"It ain't over until it's over" " if it ain't broke don't fix it"

Off the top of my head I can certainly match that
"it's not inside out, it's just outside in" 
"it's better to have NEVER loved than to have loved and lost and spent twelve months after being dumped at the bottom of a glass while that bitch flaunts around town with the new bloke who looks like a right dick"
I guess it's too long for a page a day calendar.