This morning I went into the co-op and it was decorated throughout in a Halloween style with cobwebs with plastic spiders in hanging from the ceiling. I said to the woman, "you've let the cleaning go a bit in here" and it was met with a not impressed "yeah". I shouldn't have bothered trying to make a joke. I still think it was funny and you can't tell me that everyone who goes in there makes the same joke and by the end of her shift her reply goes from "yeah" to "fuck off".

Just the other day I'd been sent to the shop for chocolate for the wife and kids and she asked if I wanted any too. I shook my head and pulled a face as if to say, Nah I'm not a big lover of chocolate. What my mind said was 'well what touring know is I ate four Mars bars for a quid this morning and I think that's plenty'.
I'm very much looking forward to my Ghost Hunt at Halloween with West Yorkshire Paranormal Group. It will be great walking round a large building at night with only the dead for company. A bit like Asda at midnight.
Speaking of the term Ghost Hunt, this is the pet name my wife has for me when talking to her sisters in London, I distinctly heard her saying that she thinks I'm a bit of a Ghosthunt, but I always did struggle with cockney rhyming slang.