The Kryptonite Factor

Whilst my weekly dreams of still being married have slightly reduced to once every fortnight, my thoughts of 'what exactly went wrong' still force their way into my brain. There was a pivotal moment when all my family went to Wales for my mums 60th birthday. My wife, son and stepchildren all went to Llandudno for a while and whilst walking the lovely seaside area, my stepdaughter was talking to her mum about one day being married and how it's funny to contemplate. My wife whispered in her ear something which I took to be along the lines of "get somebody better than him" and my stepdaughter said aloud "ah mum that's dead tight! " 

I knew she felt like this since we'd had enough late night discussions about how I was a shit boyfriend blah blah blah. She wanted someone who poured cuddles and kisses over her and I just aren't like that. Never have been. 

But I was happy with my little family. Or content in the very least. Contentment was the stuff of fantasy in my life. My son was born and he radiated a joy out of me more and more as he grew. I guess this reduced the importance of my wife to forth place after the kids. 

Later... One Saturday early evening as I played some music to get us in the weekend spirit, she asked me to turn it off as it was 'doing her head in'. 

I think that was the moment that something broke inside me. So we couldn't even enjoy a weekend anymore? Fuck. What would come after that? 

Well I tried to stay out of her way more and more. Detours and slow drives home after work as I listened to music or podcasts, unnecessary trips to the local tip and extra car washes. Anything to keep out from under the 'Kryptonite Factor' which she did to me. 

On the other hand I would give my son my full attention and feel annoyed when she interrupted me with him. My son and I would spend hours in his bedroom. When he would go to bed it felt like I had fucking long hours until bedtime. Sat with someone who disliked you more than anyone else seemed to. 

I guess I was looking for an OUT from around then. Driving to work one morning while Marina And The Diamonds played "Are You Satisfied?" as if just for me. My mind was made up. My son was so young as to not know what was happening and I would create a world for us at my next home where the universe would orbit around us. My stepchildren were teens and spending more time in their respective rooms. I would still be there for them as they were like my own kids and of enough to understand that this happens. 

I gave up drinking so that I could be 'on call' for my son day and night. I see my step kids as often as fits with them including teaching my stepson drums weekly. 

I left my wife and rediscovered life. 

I owe her a massive thank you for the experience and given me my son who is perfection. 

But that is the last time I will try and have a relationship. 

Sometimes happiness can be found in the most unexpected of places. 

I've NEVER been this happy.