Monday and visits from loved ones (or lack of)

With the week off to a fresh start I enjoyed the cloudy day at work even though the heat was still a problem.  I enjoyed two cans of coke but forgot to pick up my leftover pizza out of my fridge. I enjoyed toasted sandwiches instead and the smell drifted around the workplace and enticed fellow co workers. 

When the working hours were completed I arrived at my sons school and for the first time collected him before they ate tea. So the food I brought was to be enjoyed for a change. My son and I played in his grandmas garden. The game was called 'the devils' which he named after a talent show he had witnessed today at school where a lad in his class pretended to pick up guns and shoot them. Whatever it was, it left a mark on my son's imagination for the evening. We enjoyed our tea outside and had great fun together as we played. Although his glued up head was always in danger of further hurt as he jumped all over the place or ran. My stepson cancelled drums and so I arrived back home early and changed my bed covers happily. I only just beat them changing themselves I think. The evening had still very much got underway and so I watched 'The Ides Of March' (my film of the day) as part of my 365 films in 365 days idea continued. 

It' s now 10:12pm fact fans and I sit in my borrowed office chair up to to my dining room table. It's a comfy old thing and one which should make the writing process somewhat easier over time. 

On the whole I've done great this year at 'not speaking' out about anything to others in order to prevent them being able to pass on my shitty comments but today I've broken that rule twice. 

I think i'm suffering from a build up of anger/frustration since I caught myself putting some metal music on from my iPod on the car journey alone. The angry vocal shouting seemed to diffuse some of the build up. Years ago it would've been a blade to the forearm so that's just one more way which I've improved myself. It's been another day of thinking over how my man problem always boils down to the presence of other people in my life. The feeling of wanting to go unseen has returned or take back comments which have left my lips only moments ago. 

I think I need to stay away from family for a while to and see how long it takes them to visit me. There's always some lame excuse for not making the effort such as I may be watching a film. I don't explain the pause or stop button to them as they are just covering up their real reasons anyway. I've lived in this house for two and a half years and my mum, sister and both brothers have visited me one time each. I have visited them double figures each. Surely it's time for me to wait it out? If they don't come, then they don't wish to know my news. At least I'll know where I stand.