We are worm food

An overcast but still warm Tuesday in July. A long day of work is underway but luckily with metal plates on my printing press, it will be a test of metal endurance rather than physical. I had my son last night as ever and drums with stepson afterwards. A joyous time if ever there was one. 

A feeling of positivity and control dwells within me today as I try and disappear from being noticed too much. I just want a quiet life and I seem to manage that almost always. 

I've been through quite a few 'phases' in my almost 39 years and some days I have many many past regrets. They are ultimately trivial points though in the grand scheme of things. But on other days I don't waste time on viewing them as regrets since a lot of those bad decisions informed choices down the line which brought some spark of pleasure. Wherever you go in life, you leave a trail of some sort, an imprint in the dirt or a mark on other people's lives. This dusty rock is covered with life's trails crisscrossing each others. Our futile and probably meaningless existence is just an echo of a cows life in a field. Eat, drink, shit and have younglings. The time in between is either spent staring into space or watching the ants beneath our feet just to pass the time. 

We are worm food either way. 

I personally take comfort in life being aimless. It means I can't fuck it up. 

Anything I do is ok. My own view is that as long as you have a child to further humanity then you've done something constructive. 

My son's face is something I could stare at forever and contained within him is a sense of HOME. Whenever I'm with him, I'm at home where I should be. 

I guess that's what you should look for in a partner but that's never worked for me. New lovers generally just seem to be strangers I don't dislike yet. 

My son transcends love, he gives me a sense of belonging and being in the right place, a feeling of completeness if you will. 

It's important to find a path which fulfils your needs and makes you feel at home. It may not be what you at first thought but there's no denying the feeling when you are on it. 

 

Good luck.