I drove through town listening to 'The Vaccines' album on my way to collect my son one last time before going back to a normal working routine. The sun shone brightly through the cold air and in between the trees surrounding the local castle. The dark shadows weaved a creepy claw across my van and yet the sun shone with a hope of warmth. The juxtaposition of the two elements put me into a storage mood. I realised that I had driven at least a mile just staring at the number plate of the vehicle in front. 
I regained my awareness of the passing scenery and concentrated on the job in hand. 
 My son keeps mentioning a mans name and I believe it's maybe my replacement, or at least a possible replacement. That is obviously understandable and absolutely fine. Yet hearing it from my son makes it feel awkward. I have known that this would be a hurdle of sorts, it's natural. 
No matter how much you don't want a person anymore, the thought of them finding someone else gives an uncomfortable feeling. 
My conscious mind has a grip on it but my Unconscious seems perturbed by it. I wish I would be told outright if this was indeed the fact. Hearing another man is around your son is cutting. But why would his mum be bothered what I felt about it? 
It's just a part of relationships and one where I have actually been the new guy myself. 
I just wish the feeling would leave. It's only day two of this year. 

It's 8:53pm on the last night of the holidays. I am drinking a Pepsi and listening to The Orb whilst I write this. My PS3 is playing the visualised on my tv showing pictures of the earth which would have come in quite useful in the days of my recreational drug taking. 
Pepsi is my most dangerous substance these days.