Part of the therapy of revisiting my past diaries and the actions contained within, is to work through the emotions and learn from them without a need to look away. Well the mentioning of my ex wife in the pages of my diary ten years before we re met, make me feel a bit heady. It's like all the 'could of beens' and 'what if that never happenned' events would have made my life so scarily different. But would I have worked out to be any different if I had chose a different path? I doubt that I would have been much more sociable or any less selfish. 
All I know is that the birth of my son changed my life for good and for the better. My son has given me a zest for my own life. Without even trying he transformed me into someone I never thought I could be and so that allows me to print my foibles from the past. I offer up my failings so that you may see parallels and manage to not waste time on the wrong path as you negotiate the stormy seas of life. 
I endeavour to give my son back some of the magic which he has bestowed on me. My only ambition nowadays is to be thought of as a good father and also to be true to myself. 
"it's better to be a good version of yourself, than a bad version of someone else".