Today is January 8th 2012. But for newcomers to my blog perhaps I should explain what I do in this segment. Basically 'a week in my life' is a chance for me to open up one of my old diaries and take a look at my life on the same date (or there abouts) and see what can be learnt about myself through looking back and maybe also show my mistakes in the hope that you may learn something through me so that you may avoid similar missteps.
So picture if you will, England 1998. If we zoom into Yorkshire, the area of Keighley in particular, we will see a 23 year old male who lives alone. (If you want to know what preceded this then search for A WEEK IN MY LIFE in my blog entries search).
I worked then where I work still, at a printers in Keighley. When I was at home I would listen to music and watch loads of films and tv programmes mostly. Being 23 I was interested in females and had not had a relationship which I considered to be substantial. I was desperatly lonely actually. I longed to meet the girl of my dreams and be married and happy just like in the films I watched. The previous year I had finished with my latest girlfriend in a seemingly long line of scraps of relationships which amounted to nothing. I had weights and exercise equipment in my cellar which I used for half an hour a day. It never really made much if a difference if I'm totally honest. But I was one of those desperate pricks who thought all woman went for a man that I wasn't ever going to be. I am fairly short in height and small bodied unlike the muscled men that I concluded generally got the girl.
My diary entry at this time may paint a good picture of my head space.
"TODAY WHILE GATHERING MY THOUGHTS, I BROUGHT A BIT OF PEACE TO MY MIND. A SORT OF REALISATION THAT ALL MY PROBLEMS ARE JUST LONLINESS, PLAIN AMD SIMPLE"
When I also mention that I was drinking heavily and listening to a lot of Radiohead, I guess you will understand what I was like to be around. To be fair to myself, I had thought that I would be married by 25 and so the realisation that I was not going to make good on that wish was dawning on me. My wrists had swelled up at work from what I gathered to be lifting dumbbells plus working over hour after hour collating NCR pads for work.
After putting all these overtime hours in, the tiredness finally made me slip. My boss and long since gone home which I was fine with even though you shouldn't really be alone in case you got trapped in the machine. But what fuckwit would do that?
That was when I fell off the machine. I don't know what happened exactly but I misjudged my machine walkway and ended up smacking onto the concrete. The contact was lime a body slap. I laid there for maybe thirty seconds wondering if I'd broken anything. I hadn't , but I was a little shocked by it.
Luckily for me my boss actually turned up at 10 Pm and had bought me fish and Chips as an extra thank you for staying so late. (That's very cool)
It was after midnight when I finally climbed into my bed and wrote my diary.
Friday January 9th 1998.
According to my dairy I usually finished at lunch but I worked late again until 5:30pm. (Bloody raking it in!!) My close friend arrived at mine and we chatted about his relationship and how he and her were right for each other. I was very happy for him. I thought it was much more important for him to find someone special as he had less confidence than I did. If he was sorted then I felt better on his behalf. (He ended up married to her with kids and I'm happy to report that he is still married and has three children)
I noted to my diary that I was 'envious' of him. I then made it clear to my diary that I meant I was envious of him finding someone and I didn't mean I wanted to be with his girl!. Just to be clear.
I went to bed at 1:30AM I noted. I'm surprised I was still awake.
The weekend would start tomorrow and alcohol would usually lead to trouble.
To be continued...
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