We remain in 1998.
Saturday 10th January 1998 in fact.
It's 10 am and I have just got up. I woke up in good spirits as it was a Saturday, which meant I had my routine of going to the pub alone at lunchtime. The local pub/club was called 101 (for a reason unknown to me but as a guess I'd say it was its address) had its lunchtime offer on of a pint of lager or bitter for £1. This was a bargain in 1998 but subsequently a pint in 2013 is closer to £3 and maybe more (I've not drank alcohol for 18 months). So I'd buy a newspaper for 30p and have maybe three pints whilst writing in my 'thought bubbles' book where I waxed lyrical about my life ( a precursor to this blog, before blogs existed) and then went around the corner to take advantage of the fish and chips lunchtime offer of fish and Chips for £1.
I bought fish and chips as a treat for my birthday in mid 2012 and was horrified to be charged £4. The memories of this routine came flooding back.
But this day in 1998 I was joined by the same close friend who had visited me the night before and he had brought his new love. This small crowd would actually grow over the next six months as I continued my routine (a routine which probably played into my alcohol/financial downfall).
My diary tells me that I took the unusual step on this day of not heading home after my cheap dinner but going to a Keighley pub called The Royal Oak on my way home. No doubt my slightly alcohol dulled brain had told me I may meet the love of my life by some odd twist of fate. Still Smelling of lager and fish and chips of course, this now seems unlikely. Wouldn't my equivilant be sat alone and also drinking at 3pm? Would she be the love of my life? Doubtful.
The notion is redundant anyway as it was just men.
My afternoon was used mainly on sleeping on the couch after watching tv.
8pm. I walked onto the main road and got a taxi (another classic waste of my money, although I had arguably saved money on my beer and dinner) and went to a pub called The Druids (at Long Lee) to meet some friend from over there. We all joined up and ventured into town again via a taxi no doubt. So I topped up my alcohol intake and ended up at midnight where I had also spent my lunch but this time it was full of evening revellers.
It was the same faces mostly. Then I bumped into my ex, G, and her friend.
To cut a long story short I was doing what many many people fall into the trap of, I slept with me ex.
My diary also notes that
"NICOLA 'DARK HAIRED CHICK' TOLD ME SHE WAS SINGLE"
I have to rack my brains about who this was. Whoever it was ( and I think I now remember) it never amounted to anything. She was probably just an 'option' in my head, even if not in hers.
I was always far too wrapped up in girls and hoped for love. I would try to find someone new each time I went out and if I failed which I mostly did, I would make do with anything....and in mean anything. In many ways my ex's were the cream of the make do crop.
I pity myself looking back from 2013.
Sunday 11th January 1998
Naturally I awoke and had my ex with me. I sobbed about and so did she. I watched tv and so did she. It was obvious that until I made her leave in some way, she wouldn't. Didn't she understand that I had finished with her however long ago and I had finished with last nights need for her too. (I hate myself from 2013 but write as the old me)
It was 4pm by the time she left. It turned out that she had been dumped by her latest boyfriend too. That explained why she had ended up with me again. She deserved better than me looking back. I've covered my story with her in previous writings probably. But I don't think I have said this next bit. In 2011/2012 sort of time, she requested me as a friend on Facebook and is still currently on my list. I actually joined her as a Facebook friend and wrote her an apology for being a dick. I hoped that she wouldn't judge the me in 2011 as being the one from the 90's. she agreed that a lot of time had passed.
This was the second ex girlfriend who I wrote an apology to and I feel better in some small way for doing so. But I can't undo the choices I made.
Back to 1998.....
I believe my ex made it clear that she was still interested in me and I liked the idea but wasn't up for it. I relaxed for the rest of the day alone enjoying a nice long bath and a shave. I write in my diary that I am should shave every day really because my stubble was persistent. I noted that I wasn't getting paid for three weeks and I didn't have the food supply to last until then.
At this stage I was spending on drinking in the hole of meeting someone to change my life for the better. I knew one day I would have to address paying it back. But it was a faint voice and one which two pints in the morning would quietened entirely for the rest of the day.
I was sinking into debt ....and I just couldn't see it. ( because I was looking the other way)
To be continued....
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