A WEEK IN MY LIFE Part 4.

To conclude A WEEK IN MY LIFE 1998, I have to end on Friday 16th January 1998 due to having the content push the boundaries a little.
So fifteen years ago, as we know, I was living alone and working my way into a huge debt.
I was working my way through the book 'The Damnation Game' by Clive Barker and have read it about four times so far. I also was watching 'Vice Versa' movie from my collection of videos.
It was a historic moment on this day as my 'manager' at work handed his notice in finally.
It was like the clouds parted and the sun came out for all.

I acknowledged to my diary at 10pm that my 'depression' came down to one thing= Loneliness
I also note that I kept considering stopping drinking, but that was my only vice.
There is a mention ,often, of FATE intervening in my life but its around the corner. Looking back, FATE must have hated me. I wish I hadn't let my life be so consumed with seeking out a relationship. BUT of course, from a relationship came my wonderful son.
Basically it was like finding a speck of gold in a pile of shite.

Being alone in my house and not eating properly was a seemingly trivial issue. But I lay that as a single bad step which set the way for my downfall.
A long walk takes many small steps. My debt took many small stupid spends. My drinking problem took small cans of lager and followed them with another no matter what time of day it was.
This is all building up to much worse naturally, but we'll just have to wait until my next AWIML.

The conclusion to all this for me?
Fifteen years later I find myself living alone. I have a child who is EVERYTHING. I am over 18 months sober and meet my bills. In a way I'm back to where I was before. But this time it fits like a glove. I tired desperately to fit into the world but couldn't. I'm not like others that I know and have always been aware of that, but didn't know I should pursue a life which I constructed on my own rules.
I was afraid that I was forgotten and irrelevant at this age of mid twenties. The truth is I was still working in myself. I hadn't been unveiled yet, not even to me.

One day I would learn the good side to being alone... And that was that no other people were with you. Two sides to the same coin? More two ways of looking at the same picture.