Had a great few hours with my son. He was in a really happy mood again. I actually get teary on the days that I have him just two hours or so. It's those brief visits that I feel the tight hold I want to have on him pull on my heart. When I have him longer I feel fine. I look forward to him staying over nights at mine. 
Surprisingly my ex has said she wants him to sleep over one time whilst I'm still at my mums. At least it's her that has changed the rules on him not staying over here, there and everywhere. 
I helped rip up some carpets in preparation for the new ones coming on Wednesday. It was the first thing I've been able to do in thanks for living there. Underneath the layer of carpet was a layer of sand, probably purely the hessian reduced to dust. But either way there had been a makeshift beach beneath my feet as I had sat watching tv in mums back room.  A little desert oasis, a world away from my marriage. Now I drift on stranger tides, soon to be lost amongst the storms of my broken mind. I will drift over the next few years and sail deep into my mind to try figure out where I am trying to get. This blog will be my message in a bottle, just don't confuse the ones filled with a message with the ones filled with piss.